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Death is an awful experience that everyone undergoes in a life time. I came to learn this when my grandfather passed on due to cancer illness. I woke up late for so my mom had to drive me to school. Before we could make our way to school my dad ordered us to go inside. The atmosphere in the house was enough to convince me that something sorrowful had happened, the demise of my grandfather. My family members broke into tears and the mood in the room became sorrowful.
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In Conrad Philip Kottak’s “Rite of Passage” there are three stages of rite of passage; Separation, Margin and Aggregation. Conrad described separation as the phase where one realizes the loss of the loved one. On that November 20th, 2007, my mom picked my two siblings from school and we razed to the place where grandpa was laid. We reached to the room where he was and when my turn reached to go to the room; I gained courage and took the bull by its horns. My grandparent had been pronounced brain dead and hence the life support machine had to be turned off. He laid on the bed his eyes rolling, face as white as snow, his whole body was cold and his limbs were tight fold. My extended family members were all over the room. I could not control to show the affection I had with my grandfather. I got hold of his hand, kissed his forehead and sang his favorite song though my voice was shaky. I told him that I was going to miss him though he should not worry as he was going to heaven. We all left the room and after some time my dad came to tell us that grandfather had now officially gone. His memories are still fresh in my mind up to now that at times I dream of his presence.
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The second phase is the Margin whereby one is deeply affected by the memories and actions of the detached person. This was the hardest time that I had ever experienced. The pain grief of the loss traumatized me. I could never help myself crying. My relatives comforted me severally but it still did not help out. In most times I put on plastic smiles but deep in myself I was in pain. I was adversely affected that I showed signs of deteriorating health. This became a concern to my family but I kept denying and saying that am well. The death affected me emotionally, physically and mentally. My mind was ever in a state of disturbance. I even tried severally to pray to God to help me out but still the memories of grandpa were lingering at my mind. I became depressed by this experience.
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The last stage is the aggregation. This is the stage where one recovers from the incidence and returns to a normal state. I was adversely affected that I started developing a bald spot at the back of my head. I had to seek a medical attention. I decided to visit a therapist whom I opened up to all the experience I was undergoing. I was scheduled for two visits in a month and after several months I was well and I had fully recovered and healed. I became stronger than before. The death experience enabled me to understand that there is nothing in this life that stays forever. We only need ways to deal with the loss and be good in managing our feelings.
