Close relationships among college students
Close relationships are critical to how people live their lives, including college students. These people seek out two types of relationships: friendships and romantic connections. Such affiliations are crucial in the formation of an identity, the provision of support and companionship, and the fulfillment of the requirements of affiliation and closeness. People manage to form cross-sex connections in college that are either platonic or lead to romantic feelings emerging. This study was thus commissioned to analyze the benefits of cross-sex interactions, as well as to investigate whether they remain platonic or are influenced by romantic desires. A comprehensive review of literature is done to discover what other researchers have concluded about such relationships. Questionnaires and other surveys were used with the former being issued to respondents that met the eligibility criteria of being at least 18 years old, being a college student, and being on social media. The way these questions were answered in addition to looking at other surveys was instrumental in revealing ample insight on cross-sex relationships among college students, the benefits that motivate them to seek out such associations, and the continued existence of such relations.
Introduction
Close relationships are a significant phenomenon in people’s lives. Typically, one is born into and exists within an array of associations, which may be very close or less intimate. These close relationships are imperative throughout a person’s life including college students. College students are usually in the young adulthood stage whereby two kinds of relationships are significant, which are friendships and romantic connections. These associations are substantial in one’s development of an identity, availing of support and companionship, and fulfillment of the essentials of affiliation and intimacy. Of these friendships, college students form opposite-sex associations, which are commonly referred to as cross-sex relationships. It is meant to be a platonic friendship between two unrelated people of opposite genders to gratify their needs for social relations. However, the relationship could remain platonic or romantic feelings could develop from both or one of them, which may result in a romantic relationship beginning or the end of that friendship.
Nonetheless, peer relations and friendships
Nonetheless, peer relations are quite significant in a person’s life. Friendships are bound to emerge and flourish in the college environment since one is surrounded by others in their academic and living settings (Blomquist, 2014). They are instrumental in one’s healthy development inclusive of social development, cognitive development, and emotional development. These relationships have been found to be unique in the way they promote adjustment and wellbeing besides superseding the influences from other avenues such as families, neighborhoods, and schools (Blomquist, 2014). For college-going persons, peers are the primary attachment figures since they are spending more time with them and less of it with families, especially the parents. Hence, even when they need information or assistance, they are likely to turn to their peers.
Research Questions
Do cross-sex relationships bring about any benefits for the ones involved?
Do cross-sex relationships remain platonic or do they develop either into romantic relationships or complicated associations?
Purpose of the Study
This research will be preoccupied with exploring cross-sex relationships among college students. By looking at the benefits of cross-sex relationships, it is possible to learn why college students see the need of developing such associations. Also, an evaluation of the way these cross-sex relationships survive is imperative in acknowledging their preservation and possible culmination. Through an explicit acknowledgment of these aspects, the understanding of the formation, maintenance, and ending of such relationships can be realized.
Literature Review
Benefits of Cross-sex Relationships
Popular cultural sources have been instrumental in promoting the cultivation of cross-sex friendships. For instance, television shows such as Grey’s Anatomy and Friends have casted characters of opposite genders developing friendships that have either remained platonic or developed into romantic relationships. In this way, culture has depicted cross-sex relationships as being normal (Rawlins, 2008). In the college setting, persons are bound to have many more friendships that are cross-sex owing to the perception that such relationships are the best thing for them to engage in (Rawlins, 2008). They have to be friends with many individuals while in classes, places of residence, and student organizations. The friendships, social networks, and romantic relations that expand rapidly during young adulthood are significant in one’s life and development. These close interactions avail a context whereby some fundamental human needs are gratified to bring about a comprehensive human development (Cingöz, 2003). They satisfy the needs of intimacy and social support. Friendships bring about several primary roles including enjoyment, availing companionship, self-affirmation, and romantic relationships (Cingöz, 2003). Also, one gains the advantage of availing insight on both male and female perspectives. A man gets to see the world through the eyes of a woman and vice versa. In this way, people develop empathy into what a person of the opposite gender could be going through.
Interests in Cross-sex Relationships
There are different emotional bonds that tend to develop between men and women in the cultivation of a cross-sex relationship. The first one is that of friendship whereby people there is an affectionate relationship that is devoid of expressed sexuality (Emmett, 2008). Secondly, there is the platonic love bond whereby the friendship is profoundly emotional, but it remains non-sexual (Emmett, 2008). For many of those in cross-sex relationships, their interest is purely platonic. It is for this reason that such relationships can be developed between heterosexuals and homosexuals (Rawlins, 2008). They get to relate well without the sexual tension or cycle of what-if thereby allowing them to enjoy a completely platonic friendship. Thirdly, there is friendship love, which is an unstable relationship since there are inconsistent expressions of emotions and sexual affection (Emmett, 2008). Also, people can experience physical love, which is characterized by a high sexual involvement devoid of little emotional involvement (Emmett, 2008). Additionally, there is the romantic love bond whereby the relationship is exclusive, emotion, and sexual (Emmett, 2008).
Also, different types of attraction can emerge in cross-sex friendships. There is subjective attraction where one can become physically or sexually attracted to their friend (Emmett, 2008). Secondly, there is objective attraction that is characterized by the notion that the other individual is attractive even though not to oneself (Emmett, 2008). The third form of attraction is romantic whereby there is the intention of turning the friendship into a romantic one. It is imperative to note that cross-sex relationships tend to be developed more by single persons in comparison to those in romantic relationships as a tactic for gaining long-term mates. Hence, the potential for romantic relations can be used as the primary reason for cultivating cross-sex friendships. During the friendship phase, people are looking to get to know each other better in addition to evaluating the other if they would become an excellent romantic partner (Bleske-Rechek & Buss, 2001). Lastly, there is friendship attraction whereby people feel close and connected as friends (Emmett, 2008).
Consequently, these cross-sex friendships tend to experience complications owing to different interests and forms of attraction emerging (Baumgarte, 2002). There is often some difficulty between heterosexual friends in determining if the association will eventually lead to romantic relations. Romantic interests may have resulted in both persons pursuing a cross-sex friendship. Still, the degree of romantic interest of one individual in such a relationship may not correlate with that of the other. Hence, they could be one-sided affairs when it comes to romance. It is for this reason that many cross-sex friends are labeling their association a friendship rather than a romantic relation since their romantic intentions are yet to be reciprocated thus leaving them frustrated (Baumgarte, 2002). The other party that is romantically uninterested is usually left confused. Such a scenario is likely to result in the end of this relationship.
Relationships and Cross-sex Friendships
People in relationships can also develop cross-sex relationships. When each of them is committed to a romantic partner, the focus of forming other cross-sex friendships is usually platonic (Rawlins, 2008). Sexual tension is minimized when one has a significant other where such needs are being met. However, jealousy may still emerge from their significant others owing to these opposite-sex friendships. Yet, cross-sex friendships have the capacity of eliciting jealousies in a romance or be emotionally perplexing to the partners (Baumgarte, 2002). The reason is that some romantic partners may find it implausible that men and women can just be friends thus doubting their significant others. In so doing, the relationship may not flourish if the partner insists on continuing with their cross-sex friendship.
Social Media and Cross-sex Relationships
Social media has allowed people to enjoy virtual lives where they can share content with friends and family. The use of such platforms is very high in college students whereby at least 72 percent have an online profile while 45 percent of them use one of these sites no less than once each day (Sponcil & Gitimu, 2013). Hence, through interactions, cross-sex relationships can emerge. On the other hand, false information may be relayed to one’s friends and followers. When a user posts a picture with a person of another gender, many may construe them to be in a romantic relationship even when they are not. This misunderstanding happens because cross-sex friendships are usually perceived to be romantic associations (Baumgarte, 2002). Therefore, persons that may be aligned with their interests may be discouraged to initiate a friendship that could likely lead to a happy romantic relationship.
Theoretical Approaches
Different theories exist that are instrumental in the comprehension of the cross-sex relationships, especially among college students. To start with there is the developmental theory by Erikson. It suggests the different stages throughout one’s life that indicate a healthy development (Dunkel & Sefcek, 2009). One of this steps is that of love, which takes part between 20 and 39 years in a person’s life where one struggles with intimacy and isolation. Relative to this concept, the primary sources of intimacy become romantic partners thereby replacing family members that had availed this intimacy during their childhood (Dunkel & Sefcek, 2009). The main objective of friendships at college is to institute close associations and gratify the desires of intimacy. Here, there is parting from family, the institution of autonomy, and the establishment of identity. Secondly, there is the interpersonal theory by Sullivan. He postulated that personalities are developed within a social context. Healthy human development is dependent on the capacity to cultivate intimacy with another human being (Ravitz, Maunder, & McBride, 2008). Throughout one’s life, the satisfaction of these desires shifts from parents to others including peers, same-sex associates, and opposite-sex friends and romantic partners.
Thirdly, there is the dialectical perspective, which takes relationships to be processes whereby identity and intimacy in addition to self-disclosure are interweaved throughout one’s life through the formation and reformation of associations (Robins & Rosenthal, 2011). There is a transactional view of the way self-disclosure is done. During this process, one does not just open themselves up and present their self to the other. Instead, the sharing of opinions, undertakings, and life story with another person entails the construction of an identity relative to the other. Additional research has maintained that the developments of self-identity and relationship are linked to the disclosure of self while also cultivating intimacy. Just as people are not static, their identities take up the same trend by being in a constant formation and reformation. Relationships are also not static, but they are engaged in a continuous negotiation. Therefore, personal relationships and identity are entangled owing to numerous representations and constructions of self.
Fourthly, there is the social learning theory. It posits that individuals learn from each other through observation, copying, and modeling. By studying others, one understands the way new behaviors are performed, and this knowledge is used as a guide for action (Pratt et al., 2010). Relative to this concept, many cross-sex friendships are used as a stepping stone to sexual access owing to modeling other cross-sex relationships. Most cultural items propose that the intention of forming cross-sex relationships is to develop romantic relations. People learn from the companionships they see others developing in real life or on movies and television shows leading to these individuals modeling this demeanor. Teenagers are known to base their own lives on portrayals from popular media. The romanticizing and sexualizing of interactions of people of different sexes have cultivated the cultural expectation of sexual attraction in cross-sex associations. In this way, some believe that purely platonic friendships cannot exist between men and women that are not related.
The fifth concept is that of the evolutionary theory. Through research, it becomes clear that opposite-sex associations are a manifestation of people’s advanced approaches to mating (Bleske-Rechek et al., 2012). The contemporary human race is an offspring of a long line of ancestors that prosperously navigated the many difficulties of mating. These challenges include the choice of a healthy and productive mate, contention between rivals to entice a mate, and taking part in essential conduct for conception (Bleske-Rechek et al., 2012). Hence, the mating strategies of each gender unconsciously encourage them to enter into cross-sex friendships since it is a primary avenue to mate. Nonetheless, men are interested in short-term relationships as their interest is sexual access while women are looking for long-term ones since they are looking for protection besides investing in a potential father since it augments offspring survival. Therefore, it explains the formation of attraction to one’s friend of the opposite gender even when it is unintended.
Methodology
The exploration of cross-sex relationships was done with the help of questionnaires and surveys. Since it is clear that many college students are on social media, these persons were identified on social media and the questionnaires were sent out to them. The questions were open-ended to give the respondents the chance to provide as much as information as they could. The second instrument entailed looking at data that other research entities have compiled regarding college students and cross-sex relationships. The eligibility criteria involved compliance with several aspects. Firstly, there was age whereby the study was looking for individuals that were at least 18 years old. Also, it was essential that these persons be students at an institution of higher learning. However, since these questions were presented to those on social media, those not registered as users were excluded from the study. Additionally, those that did not satisfy the other aspects were also excluded.
A total of 500 questionnaires were sent out to a diverse set of students. There was an 80 percent response rate. Several elements were evaluated through this study. They were asked if they were in a relationship. Also, the existence of cross-sex friends had to be established. If a no was answered to this question, respondents were to give reasons for only maintaining same-sex friends. Conversely, if a yes was provided in response to this query then the subjects would detail the reasons for having such a friendship, if they wanted it to remain platonic or romantic, their likely reaction in realizing that a cross-sex friend was romantically interested in them, and whether they posted photos of their platonic, opposite-sex friends on their social media pages. Consequently, the study abided by numerous rules to guarantee ethical standards were preserved. The survey was voluntary, and those that did not want to take part were free not to do so. The questions to answer were also at the discretion of the respondent. Furthermore, confidentiality and privacy were promoted by doing a general disclosure of the findings without revealing any identities.
Findings/Results
There were 400 subjects that agreed to answer the questionnaire (see Appendix A). There were limited instances where a participant opted to leave a question unanswered. All the respondents declared to have at least one cross-sex friend. The questions that were posted to address the first research question received a broad array of answers including the pursuit of a romantic relationship, gain insight about the other side, search for a sexual encounter, grow one’s network, and felt more at home with opposite-sex friends. Regarding the second research question, respondents stated that some of these relationships remained platonic, mainly if one of them was in relationships. 65 percent also agreed that there was sexual tension between them and some of the opposite-sex friends. 69 percent of these friendships had resulted in a sexual encounter. 80 percent agreed that some of their romantic partners in the past had started out as cross-sex friends. 57 percent of the respondents admitted to having lost a cross-sex friend when interests relative to the association were dissimilar.
Discussion/Conclusion
These results were in agreement with the findings from some surveys. University of Alabama researchers discovered that both sexes share the same confidence that males and females can be platonic friends (May, 2015). 63 percent of the subjects revealed that they perceived most cross-gender friendships to entail a secret romantic interest (May, 2015). Respondents also stated that the men were more likely to initiate a romantic affair in comparison to the women (May, 2015). A 2005 study by Guerrero and Chavez asked people to categorize their cross-sex relationships. The four primary types that were reached were mutual romance, strictly platonic, desires romance, and rejects romance (May, 2015). An earlier survey by Afifi and Guerrero discovered that female and male best friends avoided some topics such as dating and sexual experiences with each other than with same-sex friends (Monsour, 2001).
Additionally, these results were consistent with the conclusions that the different studies included in the literature review reached. The research is fruitful in providing ample insight on cross-sex relationships among college students, the benefits that motivate them to seek out such associations, and the continued existence of such relations. The different interests have been identified, and cross-sex friends manage to keep being close when the man’s and woman’s interests are parallel. A critical approach for future research is the utilization of direct interviews of students to have a more comprehensive picture of cross-sex relationships among students in institutions of higher learning. Additional comprehension will be sourced from the study of the communication behaviors that college students employ on the different social media platforms. The current generation is obsessed with sharing almost everything thereby presenting a rich source of information.
References
Baumgarte, R. (2002). Cross-gender friendship: The troublesome relationship. Inappropriate relationships, 103-124.
Bleske-Rechek, A. L., & Buss, D. M. (2001). Opposite-sex friendship: Sex differences and similarities in initiation, selection, and dissolution. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(10), 1310-1323.
Bleske-Rechek, A., Somers, E., Micke, C., Erickson, L., Matteson, L., Stocco, C., ... & Ritchie, L. (2012). Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(5), 569-596.
Blomquist, K. P. (2014). Jealousy in Close Relationships Among Emerging Adults (Doctoral dissertation, Duke University).
Cingöz, B. (2003). Comparison of same-sex friendships, cross-sex friendships and romantic relationships. Unpublished master's thesis, Middle East Technical University, Ankara.
Dunkel, C. S., & Sefcek, J. A. (2009). Eriksonian lifespan theory and life history theory: An integration using the example of identity formation. Review of General Psychology, 13(1), 13.
Emmett, M. (2008). Crossing The Line In Cross-sex Friendships: Effects Of Past Sexual Contact And Dating Status On Relational Maintenance.
May, G. (2015, August 20). Are men incapable of having platonic relationships with women? Retrieved December 13, 2017, from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/11808227/Are-men-incapable-of-having-platonic-relationships-with-women.html
Monsour, M. (2001). Women and men as friends: Relationships across the life span in the 21st century. Psychology Press.
Pratt, T. C., Cullen, F. T., Sellers, C. S., Thomas Winfree Jr, L., Madensen, T. D., Daigle, L. E., ... & Gau, J. M. (2010). The empirical status of social learning theory: A meta‐analysis. Justice Quarterly, 27(6), 765-802.
Ravitz, P., Maunder, R., & McBride, C. (2008). Attachment, contemporary interpersonal theory and IPT: An integration of theoretical, clinical, and empirical perspectives. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 38(1), 11-21.
Rawlins, W. K. (2008). The compass of friendship: Narratives, identities, and dialogues. Sage Publications.
Robins, C. J., & Rosenthal, M. Z. (2011). Dialectical behavior therapy. Acceptance and mindfulness in cognitive behavior therapy: Understanding and applying the new therapies, 164-192.
Sponcil, M., & Gitimu, P. (2013). Use of social media by college students: Relationship to communication and self-concept. Journal of Technology Research, 4, 1.
Appendix A: Questionnaire
Do you have cross-sex friends at the institution?
If no, explain:
If yes, continue
Why do you maintain cross-sex relationships?
Are you in a relationship?
Is your intention usually to remain platonic or to develop into romantic relationships?
Is any sexual tension between you and your opposite-sex friends?
How have you reacted in the past after discovering that your heterosexual friend is interested in you?
What are the reasons for ending some of the cross-sex relationships you have had?
Do you post pictures of your platonic, opposite-sex friends on your social media pages?
