Welcome to this new journey of marriage union and congratulations. You are dear friends to me, and I thought it appropriate to share some of the information I have learnt based on effective interpersonal communication. I have experienced positive changes in my marriage as a result of the education.
Principles and barriers to effective interpersonal communication
Interpersonal effective communication can be achieved by being fully conscious aware of each other. According to Lunenburg, effective communication can be achieved by treating each other with uttermost respect and without interrupting each other. Effective communication is mostly built on trust. By respecting confidentiality that there is freedom in sharing any information with your partner (Lunenburg, 2010). As a couple, interpersonal communication amongst each other is inevitable. However, barriers can include taboo, misperception, and generation differences. Taboo is a barrier that occurs when partners shy away from raising issues that would affect their marriage. For example, sex and sexuality is considered a difficult topic by most couples but is also a very crucial subject in marriage. It would cause problems if not addressed. Misperceptions occur mainly by falsely assuming the result of an action without clarifying. For example, too much hustles would make you forget some important date events that matter in your lives. Your significant other would assume that you don't care about them anymore to remember. In the current world, different generations believe in different things in terms of for example dressing, priorities, and values.
Effective interpersonal communication principles are important because they help you understand better and achieve more successful conversations. The principles are simple, and they should, therefore, be used as a guideline to achieve improved communications. Challenges exist in our day to day life, and you should try and overcome them as a couple. Misperceptions can be overcome by ensuring you communicate and clarify issues before making negative assumptions. You should learn as a couple to open up to any issue that is troubling your piece of mind. Generation difference is not a major issue in your relationship as you have a three years age difference. However, it would be important to understand what each one's beliefs and opinions on various issues in life are.
Self- concept
Self- concept is the idea one holds about themselves in regards to their beliefs. It gives oneself a perception of who they are. It, therefore, plays a big role in how one engages in their communication. Self- concept is guided by one's past experiences and people's opinions about you. A positive self- concept positively affects one's interpersonal communications in their relationships. However, a negative self- concept which is majorly influenced by bending to others people's negative opinions about you could majorly affect how one maintains their relationships. My advice is that you learn on how to shut out negative opinions from other people but also aim at improving yourself from your mistakes. It could lead to more healthy communications between you.
Self- image
Self- image is related to the personality, abilities, and appearance one holds about themselves. It is dictated by how one views themselves, how one thinks other think about them, and how other people view the individual. Poor self- image majorly would have a negative impact on your interpersonal communication. The most vulnerable people too poor self- image are children and teenagers. However, poor self- image can arise from personality factors. For example, if either of you is obsessed with being a high achiever or a perfectionist, you would be more prone to negative self- image due to failure. Periodical poor self- image would negatively impact on your interpersonal communications. Positive self- image impacts positively on your communications as a couple. Acceptance of periodical failures and understanding that human beings can never be perfect would lead to well developed and maintained interpersonal communications.
Self- esteem
Self- esteem is the overall emotional evaluation of one's worth. In simple terms, its either you like or dislike yourself. It is the main element of your inner self and therefore affects how you communicate and receive feedback from others. You need to learn and understand the weaknesses of your partner and help them overcome them. Nobody is born with poor self- esteem, it arises from what we construct from past experiences. If the issues are in-depth, therapy would be a solution. High self- esteem depicts positive relationships.
Emotional intelligence and self- disclosure
Emotional intelligence is the ability to take into considerations your emotions and those around you. It is therefore very crucial in a marriage relationship. It gives a sense of belonging by being aware that your significant other gives you the attention required by always being there to listen to you no matter what. Self- disclosure is a personal decision of how much one is willing to share about their lives to others. Every human being always desires to vent out about issues in their lives to others. The challenge arises at recognizing how much is too much and at what stages should some information be shared. Self – disclosure is especially crucial in new relationships. It shows levels of trust in your significant other by revealing personal information. According to Ting-Toomey " Chung, it will help build your romance as you would be willing to share your deep experiences and wants to your significant other. Your relationship can grow by being more emotional intelligent. It helps one understand their partner's feelings so as to recognize the course of action required. Attentive listening to your partner also brings up empathy which helps grow relationships. It also promotes good communication as all aspects of concentration are considered (Ting-Toomey " Chung, 2005). Emotional intelligence and self- disclosure aspects are related to each other on how they would impact on communication. A partner who listens and is more conscious about their significant other is more likely to offer a platform for self- disclosure from their partners. If you have no emotional intelligence, it poses a challenge to the ability of sharing deep personal conversations amongst yourselves (Brackett, Rivers, Shiffman " Salovey, 2006).
Interpersonal conflicts
All human beings are different from each other regardless of relationships that exist amongst them. People will always be differently opinionated on all aspects of life. Due to this, conflicts are inevitable. One strategy of resolving conflicts is by learning on conflict management skills. Knowledge would prevent cases of being destructive in a relationship. The techniques include encouraging positive energies in a relationship, strengthening of communication skills, monitoring of oneself to help recognize when a conflict arises and how best to handle it. It is important never to judge or blame your partner in times of conflicts. It leaves them feeling attacked and vulnerable which would cause unresolved conflicts. Another strategy is using the term ‘I' when addressing your feelings to your partner. It helps your partner understand your stand without feeling attacked (Kirchler, Rodler, Holzl " Meier, 2013)
Various conflicts can arise amongst a couple. For example, parenting issues are a potential form of conflict considering you are a new couple. The issue of parenting will be new to you and a big challenge to face. Teamwork would be a factor to decrease conflicts on issues of parenting. Another potential conflict would be work. Indulgence in many commitments would cause activities that mattered in the past fade away. One would feel distant from their partner. The conflict could be resolved by setting one activity that would create a bonding environment. For example, days can be set by date nights.
Culture and gender
Culture plays a big part in every person's life as it directs most of everyone's beliefs and perceptions in life. It also influences modes of communication among people. This is a crucial part for you Jessie and Evans being that you are from different communities with different beliefs and customs. You should therefore make it your duty to learn each other's backgrounds. It would open up to acceptance of each other's cultures and avoid any offensive circumstances. You would also understand their various forms of communication. Gender is interlinked with culture but in a biological way. Gender perceptions are passed on from generation to generation and is associated with stereotyping of various groups and individuals. For example, some cultures hinder women from expressing themselves and it would affect their forms of expression in their marriages. Therefore, partners should create their own culture of sharing vital information to each other. Communication is a major basis that creates firm foundations of all relationships. Therefore cultivate the behavior of achieving good interpersonal communication. I wish you well Jessie and Evans in your new marriage.
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References
Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., Shiffman, S., Lerner, N., " Salovey, P. (2006). Relating emotional abilities to social functioning: A comparison of self-report and performance measures of emotional intelligence. Journal of personality and social psychology, 91(4), 780.
Kirchler, E., Rodler, C., Holzl, E., " Meier, K. (2013). Conflict and decision making in close relationships: Love, money and daily routines. Psychology Press.
Lopes, P. N., Salovey, P., " Straus, R. (2003). Emotional intelligence, personality, and the perceived quality of social relationships. Personality and individual Differences, 35(3), 641-658.
Lunenburg, F. C. (2010). Communication: The process, barriers, and improving effectiveness. Schooling, 1(1), 1-11.
Ting-Toomey, S., " Chung, L. C. (2005). Understanding intercultural communication. New York: Oxford University Press.
