In my society, people believe in the "Five Stages of Grief" myth
In my society, people believe that before someone dies, there are various psychological stages that one has to go through. These stages are referred to as "the five stages of grief". This entails the emotional state that is experienced by the patient who is ill after he/she is diagnosed and that experienced by loved ones when a person dies. The five stages are believed to be; denial, bargaining, depression, anger and finally acceptance. Denial is the first stage that an individual is believed to go through. The individual believes that there must have been a mistake in the diagnosis and believe it’s false. After realizing that the diagnosis is true, an individual becomes frustrated and the question that follows is "why me", "how did this happen", it’s not fair! The third stage of this myth is where an individual wishes or hope that they can do something to prevent that. An individual tends to negotiate for life to be extended and can even promise to become a better person once given a second chance. The next stage is that of depression. An individual at this stage feels that he/she is going to die. A person tends to be despair upon recognition of their state. An individual may go silent, spend much time mourning and even refuse to have visitors. The last stage is acceptance where one feels prepared for what is to happen next. The most interesting part of this myth is that almost every individual in my culture believes in this myth (Kübler-Ross, 2014). Personally, I tend to believe in this myth and that’s why it is important to write about the myth. The myth mainly comes up when a person is diagnosed with a disease, death of a relative or loved one, loss of income or job, infertility diagnose or a major rejection.<\/p>
Opposition to the "Five Stages of Grief" myth
The myth has been opposed by many philosophers who argue that the five stages lack empirical evidence and empirical research. Generally, different people have different ways of expressing their grief. Moreover, Axelrod, argues that the myth is a product of a certain culture as at a given time and may not apply to all cultures. Basically, there is no evidence which has been brought forward to show that people undergo these stages. The existence of these stages has not also been proven or demonstrated. Contrary to our assumptions on the stages, research indicates that there are no stages or rules to grief "except our personal journeys". Normality is generally what we go through during such a moment but not the actual stages that are proposed by the myth. According to Axelrod, the belief of the five stages is mistaken and it only increases our emotional pain during such moment when we are in grief (Axelrod, 2016). People tend to get it wrong as they believe that there is a certain way of grieving, however, scientists has shown that despite grief being inevitable, there is no defined right way to grieve.<\/p>
The unique nature of grief
The best way as proposed by Konigsberg to grief is to remember that no matter the pain experienced, you must survive the loss. As a matter of fact, grief is accompanied by pains, sadness, laughs, own realization and at times happiness. People tend to follow the steps indicated in the myth forgetting it’s a personal experience. Konigsberg, argues that grief is not linear and does not depend on stages. However, people are unique and how they grieve is unique too. There are various things that influence the way people grief (Konigsberg, 2011). These factors include; our resilient, the closeness we had with the loss and the kind of support we get during such moments. According to Ruth David, there is no incorrect or correct way to grieve. A loss is expected but how we grieve that, changes with time. Talking about it to close friends also tends to relieve the stress. Most of the scientists used their personal experience in times of grief and they realized that the myth was not a reality since the experience was different.<\/p>
An example of the "Five Stages of Grief" myth in action
A clear example of this myth occurred when my relative was diagnosed with cancer. At first, he thought that the result did not belong to him and it belonged to someone else or were in-accurate. But when he was convinced that it was true, he felt frustrated and felt that it was unfair to him and he kept asking himself "why me?". He would then seeks a compromise or feels that he would have done something to prevent that illness from occurring. He seemed much depressed and bothered as he felt that death was the final destination. However, after some time he accepted the fate and moved on saying that he would be strong just like others who were diagnosed with that disease. In this example, the myth took a clear indication as the five stages were experienced through the life of my relative. It all started with denial, anger followed and frustration, compromise or bargaining, depression and finally the acceptance of the condition.<\/p>
The misconceptions and researchers' perspectives
The main reason as to why people tend to believe in this myth is because it seems so true and due to the fact that it is viewed as a process through which a person who is grieved must follow to arrive at "acceptance". However, the truth of personal differences when it comes to grieving tends to be distorted. Additionally, the myth is not linear in the sense that the stages do not happen in the given order while some stages may not occur at all. Around 86% of people tend to believe the myth and feel that these stages occur in that order until a person comes to acceptance.<\/p>
Researchers are combating this myth by developing other models to explain the process of grieve. Researchers' have also argued that the myth "is just a theory" (Spiess at all, 2014). They argue that the five stages are not completely true and may differ from one person to another. Barone, argue that these stages are just tools which are based on past experience of other grievers to help an individual to identify and understand how it feels like (Barone, 2013). In my own perspective, I can educate people on this subject and make them understand that grieving does not depend on the myth but solely depends on personal differences. I strongly agree with different researchers who argue that this myth is not accurate. People tend to think that when grieving, there is a certain pattern which should be followed. However, the actual truth is, just like love, grief is individually based (Kübler-Ross, 2014). I would, therefore, educate people not to expect a predicted pattern when grieving. Generally, grief does not have stages.<\/p>
References
Kübler-Ross, E., " Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief
through the five stages of loss. Simon and Schuster.
Spiess, K. E., McLemore, A., Zinyemba, P., Ortiz, N., " Meyr, A. J. (2014). Application of
the five stages of grief to diabetic limb loss and amputation. The Journal of Foot and Ankle Surgery, 53(6), 735-739.
Barone, J. E., " Ivy, M. E. (2014). Resident work hours: the five stages of grief. Academic
Medicine, 79(5), 379-380.
Konigsberg, R. D. (2011). The truth about grief: The myth of its five stages and the new
science of loss. Simon and Schuster.
Axelrod, J. (2016). The 5 stages of loss and grief. Psych Central.
