A memoir is a literary record of an individual's memories or information gleaned from specific sources. Memoirs are valuable pieces because they enable readers to connect to contexts outside of their own. They put people in situations they haven't been in before, and if they have, it makes them react to and feel comforted by any negative encounters. Any memoirs, in the end, represent the reader's life and therefore have a wider viewpoint on life. They reveal that some experiences and challenges that one faces are not a reflection of their weaknesses because they also happen to other people. They show that life is full of ups and downs and help individuals develop the will and effort to work towards bettering their situations. Those memoirs may open us to other people’s realities and help us understand the reasons for certain actions by people. They help us understand and connect with people and care for them without judging them.
Book Summary
Kerry Cohen’s memoir is more like a dedication to anyone who at one time was in her situation, or someone who knew an individual in that situation, or to everyone who wondered about the person in her similar situation as hers. The book relates to a young girl (Cohen), 11 years of age who at her tender age is driven by circumstances to seek male attention and feel wanted. Her parents had divorced, and it seems that they were both tired of the whole relationship. This coupled with the fact that Cohen’s body is burning in the flames of puberty lead her to a path she would not have wanted to take. She needed to feel wanted, to feel love and attention but she did not understand what love was all about and where to find it. In her quest for the love she enters promiscuity slowly through several sex escapades.
This story not only captures her indulgement into addictive sex but also her desperate desire for male attention. It is the story of a naïve girl who felt that men could offer her the love and attention she needed without caring who those men were. All she cared about was them being with her and for some time that seemed sufficient for her. After the divorce of her parents, her mother leaves to study medicine in the Philippines. She and her elder sister are left to live with their father a factor that seems to fire her new lifestyle further. She joins a group of other girls with whom she parties from one bar to another within New York City where she picks up elder boys with a little sense of self-worth. Surprisingly, her father is not worried about her morning escapades, and as if to motivate her ways, she buys her clothes and treats her as a grown up.
At this stage her sex scenes become more obscene; she progressively hooks up with men she does not like and who also do not like her in return. All she wants is some form of connection which she thinks she will achieve through sex despite scares about Sexually Transmitted Diseases and rap. She does not care much.
Loose Girl is not like just any other story. It is a real revelation of a girl’s desperation, that moment when she thinks that by allowing a boy to touch her and control her body, she attains the satisfaction she desires. She later realizes that all her actions ultimately offer her nothing more than pure emptiness. Her salvation comes when a mother to one of her boyfriends introduces her to a more productive life. Being a painter, the lady mentors her eventually awakening her desire to write. This is where her journey from that dark, directionless and desperate part of her life to a more satisfying, safe and hopeful state begins. She sets out and becomes a great writer and finds true love, which is what she needed from the beginning (Cohen, 2008)
Book analysis
Honestly speaking, this is one of the best pieces I have read in a long time. I have read several memoirs, but none came close to being real as this one is. It takes so much courage to use one’s dark experiences to educate or even warn others. In a society where everyone has some skeletons in the closet and insists on keeping them there, this kind of honesty is something worth being proud.
Cohen’s story is a revelation of her current inner strength. She is brave and honest and appears to have accepted and made peace with her past which she declares not being proud. It is like she is using her experiences as a warning, or rather a lesson for girls. It is a way of emphasizing the importance of self-love and self-worth. It is an encouragement to those who find themselves in a similar situation; in other words, it is a way of saying that ‘all is well and there is still hope for those who accept their mistakes and are willing to make things right.’
Her language is quite simple and easily understandable by individuals at all levels of education. The absolute power of this piece is its comprehensive nature. The author avoids so much jargon and connects effectively with her audience.
Critically speakingr, the only weakness I noticed was the level of exposure in the book. Personally, I do not have a problem with that, but people are quite different, you know. Some people will project the writer’s past to her future and use it to judge her. She revealed so much about herself that some people would believe that she is genuinely changed. If her kids would be in the same situation, perhaps they would justify their actions based on their mother’s past. This therefore places the writer in a position where she has limited rights to complain, condemn or even warn about promiscuous behavior. Maybe if people did not know so much about her, then perhaps she could not possibly be facing such a situation.
Applications and Lessons attained
The information in this book is quite useful and applicable. It relates to a real life situation that has most likely occurred in some individuals or which may happen in future. This book could be a great lesson to parents, children especially teenagers and the entire community as a whole. As a parent, it points out the need to raise children while reminding them of their self-worth. If as a parent you treat your child like a prince or princess from their young age, it is so unlikely that one day they will require this from a stranger. Instilling discipline in children or even giving them all the freedom in the world does not warrant that they will become real people. Loving them, teaching and showing them the importance of self-respect and giving them freedom coupled with responsibility are the most important aspects of raising children who will turn out to be great people in the society. Kerry also depicts the importance of raising children who respect others. Male children, for example, should be taught against being chauvinist. They should know that manhood isn’t defined by the number of women one gets into bed but rather by how responsible, mature, independent and respectful they are. Ladies should, on the other hand, be taught that sex does not translate to love; that being responsible, taking charge of their bodies commands respect from men and other individuals.
Apart from educating children, we also learn we are solely responsible for our actions regardless of the circumstances under which they occurred. This is because God gave us wisdom and the will power to decide. Although we go astray severally, we should learn to use our intelligence well and say no or yes and mean it.
Personally, this is the information I needed. There are times I have done things impulsively which I later came to regret. I have learned earlier the importance of making a clear discernment, which is not based on emotions. Cohen’s piece, however, gave me a situation I can relate. It has emphasized the need to keep in mind possible consequences of my actions. It also has taught me that bad experiences in the past should not deter me from becoming what I desire to be. If anything, those experiences should shape me to become a better person. I will not allow my past to dictate my future; I will drop anything that broke me and works towards being the great person I am destined to be. I will recommend this read to my friends. It is my hope that they will acquire the same knowledge I have gotten from here.
Given an opportunity, I would pose three main questions to the author. First, I would like to know whether or not her family members have read her book. Why? Because I would like to know how they perceive her after learning about her past. I would wish to know whether this information brought in a change in her relationship with her family. For instance, do her kids still respect her? Do they still look up to her as a mentor and a role model? Secondly, I would like to know what she is doing differently from her parents to ensure her kids do not land in the same mess as she did. I would ask this to determine whether she feels that her parents had a role to play in her landing into the destructive situation. My third question would be how she reacts to criticism, which is so open from readers of her book. This issue would aim at finding out whether she honestly made peace with her past or whether it still bothers her. I would like to know whether comments from the society affect her personality or self-esteem in any way.
References
Cohen, K. (2008). Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity. New York, United States: Hyperion.
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