Difference Between Healthy Discipline and Child Abuse?
Before we go about establishing the difference between discipline and abuse, it is important that we define these two terms:
Discipline:
To make people obey rules through punishment or reward and make them follow a set of rules.
Abuse:
To treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.
Many parents, especially new parents, in the modern era are conflicted as to what they can and cannot do to their child and what would constitute as abuse or simply disciplining their child. In that context, parents opt for a softer approach, which works fine on kids if the parents have set clear boundaries and ensured that their child recognizes the parent’s authority and the rules defined by them. But if the child is what society calls a ‘problem child,’ then usual soft approaches do not work and only exacerbates the problem. That is due to the fact the child will only push back against the parent authority and the parent will not adopt a harsher approach due to their fear physical or harsher punishments will only make the child more disruptive or may leave emotional scars. Society at that point does not help the beleaguered parent. If the parents do not curb their child’s tantrums, people will vilify or demonize children in general, and if a parent is strict, then people find the parents to controlling. That has split parents and child experts into two factions. One side advocates harsh punishment, for example; spanking, raising their voice to get their point across and other harsh methods. On the other hand, the other side believes that positive reinforcement and softer punishments like timeouts and sending them to the corner are best to emphasize the parent’s authority and ensure that the parent’s rules are followed. (Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor 457). The question is what is appropriate for child discipline and at what point does it become abuse? Well, any act or punishment that a parent does in anger or frustration and that results in harm that physically or mentally scars a child will and should constitute as abuse, no matter the intention behind it.
This essay does not advocate corporal punishment for all children of all ages and circumstances. The punishments should only be harsh after a set of rules are defined for the child and only after the repeated offense. At the first offense, the parent should reprimand the child, not scold or berate in a loud voice. The parent should calmly ask the reason for the offense and then reinforce the rule laid down clearly and emphasize that the rules must be followed and state the reasons for them being there, i.e., for the child’s safety. (Leung 536). Usually, a reprimand is enough for most children, but a few cases do not stop at the first offense. Before handing the child with a timeout in the corner, a parent must review their behavior. What am I, as a parent, doing that has caused my child after explicitly telling them not to do something to do it again? A child may perceive that by acting badly he or she may be able to gain their parent’s attention or maybe the child is acting out of frustration, or the child must be under the bad influence. In today’s era, the average person is surrounded by technology that they may not be giving adequate attention to their children. Maybe acting badly is the only way for the child to gain the attention of the parent (Hersen 24). The lack of attention may also cause the other reasons. Contention at school, bullying or dominating friends all result in bad behavior. Simply paying attention to your child may help you identify the reason and through talking may solve the problem at its source.
In the 19th century, there was no concept of child abuse. There was no federal or state social organization that dealt with cases of child abuse, although there were humane animal societies present. But the case of Mary Ellen Wilson in 1874, a small girl abused by her adopted parents brought the issue to light and helped start the change in view child discipline and abuse was held in. Child abuse was properly categorized as physical, mental or sexual trauma that was inflicted on a child. Physical abuse was any beating, by hand or an item that caused bruising, breaking of skin or bone. That also includes neglect of a child’s physical needs, i.e. proper food, appropriate weather clothes and medical needs. Mental abuse is degrading a child’s sense of self, in front of family and friends or even strangers repeatedly. Sexual abuse is the violation of a child by an adult. A child has no concept of sexuality before puberty and therefore is easy to manipulate by pedophiles as most children are subservient to adults especially close relatives, family friends and domestic help (Carson 1113). Parents these actions are regarded as child abuse. Any of these actions lead to severe psychological problems in children. Children, who have suffered such actions and have been abused, suffer from anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociative symptoms, and depression. All these problems have a trickle-down effect on the child’s life. These issues cause the child to blame themselves for behavioral issues caused by events over which they had no control over. These issues are then transferred to the children’s children, turning the abuse into a vicious cycle with no end.
So the responsibility falls ultimately on the parents. All parents want their children to be well-adjusted members of the society. It is the parent’s responsibility to learn what they can do to discipline their child. It is your right to discipline, even physically, to ensure that when the child grows up, he learns what is right and what happens when he goes against the rules. But even disciplining your child even for their good can go too far. Actions that damage and traumatize the body and mind are not discipline but abuse and no amount of good intentions will change the fact that you are abusing your child.
Works Cited
Carlson, Elizabeth A. "A prospective longitudinal study of attachment
disorganization/disorientation." Child Development, vol. 69, no. 4, 1998, pp. 1107-1128.
Gershoff, Elizabeth " Andrew Grogan-Kaylor. “Spanking and child outcomes: Old
controversies and new meta-analyses.” Journal of Family Psychology, vol. 30, no. 4, 2016, pp. 453-469.
Hersen, Michel. Clinician's handbook of child behavioral assessment. Elsevier, 2011.
Leung, Cynthia, et al. "An outcome evaluation of the implementation of the triple P‐
Positive Parenting Program in Hong Kong." Family Process, vol. 42, no. 4, 2003, pp. 531-544.
