Esther Perel’s TED talk on infidelity was an intriguing and transcendent talk that accurately captured the factors that contribute to affairs in marriages. Case in point, one aspect that Esther expounded upon as the provocative factor to engage in an affair, is the desire to be happy (Perel). In today’s society, we have been compelled to pursue happiness no matter the cost, an aspect that has cumulatively propelled the idea of cheating especially amongst couples who are in relationships that lost the spark. What is worse in today’s affair, is the influence technology has in enhancing the secrecy of the affair, such as in the case of Heather who lived with her husband and trusted him fully, while he was hiding an affair of two years (Perel).
From Esther’s talk, I was able to learn why the exposure of affairs and infidelity is usually hurtful especially to the cheated on partner in the relationship. According to the relationship expert, infidelity is an occurrence that threatens an individual’s sense of self, given that for an individual to love one must trust the other partner. The occurrence of fidelity questions this trust by questioning the needs that are built upon love, for instance; exclusive love, emotional companionship, mutual friendship, trusted confidant, and intellectual equal (Perel). The give elaboration explains why cheated upon partners rarely trust their subsequent partners full, an aspect that is associated with the bruised sense of self they encountered in the previous relationship.
Winding I agree with Perel’s argument that infidelity as an occurrence was nurtured by the need to recapture lost parts of an individual’s self, such as freedom, emotional connection, sexual intensity, autonomy, or novelty (Perel). The given aspect is evident given that people in happy lives still would endeavor to cross the line of faithfulness and explore infidelity an event brought about by the desire to recapture a longing or lost aspect of their lives.
Personal Reflection
When basing the argument from my experience, infidelity is a hurtful experience that often torments the victims for a long duration than one anticipated even after the disengagement of the individual from the disastrous relationship. The foundation of every relationship is trust, for it is through trust that one is able to reveal their weaknesses and hidden secrets to their partner. Infidelity as an event usually breaks the trust that exists between the couple, and hence in my perspective breaks down the foundation of the love shared between the two partners in their relationship. In the long run, although a couple may attempt to rebuild the pieces, the spark that was once in their pure connection seizes to exist leaving them with a “situation-ship” rather than an intimate relationship. Cumulatively, the chance of moving forward in the midst of an affair, is slim, especially as the trust that founded the relationship can never be realized again.
In conclusion, it is vital to note that most partners who opt to remain together after the emergence of an affair, do so to protect external parties who may be directly affected by their separation. For instance, a couple with children may opt to remain in such a relationship, with the sole intention of shielding the children from the harsh realities of divorce. The truth is just as Esther asserts, infidelity bruises the self-identity of the victim, always tormenting him or her on the choice they made regarding their relationship.
Work Cited
Perel, Esther. "Esther Perel: Rethinking Infidelity ... A Talk For Anyone Who Has Ever Loved". En.Tiny.Ted.Com, 2018, https://en.tiny.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved. Accessed 11 Nov 2018.
