Creating and maintaining a healthy relationship is a pleasant experience for everyone involved. Kinesics scientists have shown that the more aware couples are of nonverbal clues, the stronger their relationship. This study investigates the role of eye behavior in establishing basic qualities in a couple's relationship, such as honesty, trustworthiness, and happiness. It illustrates the crucial roles linked with ocular kinesics by using a case study about romantic couples (George and Dianne) described in Jennifer Fitzgerald's book The Foundations for Couples' Therapy: Research for the Real World. According to the study, great communication sets strong foundations for such successful partnerships. Couples with vast knowledge on kinesics are always at a greater advantage of meeting their partner's emotional and other needs.
Introduction
Scholars emphasize that both partners' ability to send, receive, and interpret messages verbally and via the facial and body expressions controls the outcome of a relationship (Anjali & Hans, 2015). Multidisciplinary literature also indicates that communication skills are perquisites for not only successful love life but also psychological well-being (Glenn, 2016; Gottman, 2014; Samovar, Porter, McDaniel, & Roy, 2014). This study is interested in studying the correlation between the couples' knowledge on the eye behavior (oculesics) and the strength of the relationship. At first, it was assumed that the gesture portrays the same meaning to all the couples. However, after exploring the complex biological, social, and cultural issues involved in such nonverbal communication, the topic shifted to the importance of specific aspects, such as pupil dilation, blinking, and eye contact in satisfying the partner's needs, such as trust, respect, and happiness.
The definition, as well as interpretation of oculesics as a leading component of non-verbal communication, varies circumstantially. For instance, a particular eye movement conveys a completely different message in an official communication from an informal setting, such as conversations between two lovers. Therefore, Gottman (2014) argues that excessive eye contact is linked with a deliberate intention to make a business partner feel inferior. On the other hand, too much contact between couples can be a sign of sexual attraction. At the same time, too little eye contact in a business environment may make a person appear insincere and unprepared, while in a romantic relationship such a gesture implies that the partner is shy, hiding something, or is not very caring.
Overall, oculesics falls in the same category as gestures, such as hand, head, and body movements, conveying particular messages. According to Chu, Meyer, Foulkes, and Kita (2014), gestures can be independent or speech related. The speech-independent gestures are the non-verbal cues lacking direct links with the spoken words.
In contrast, speech-related gestures are the facial and hand demonstrations intended to emphasize the main points or argument in a presentation or a conversation. That is, the gestures supplement the spoken words. On the other hand, the eye behaviors perform multiple roles ranging from monitoring conversation to conveying messages. Anjali and Hans (2015) believe that all people have been in a situation where an individual asks a question and stares at all his/her listeners instead of pointing a specific person to provide an answer. The eye contact cues the audience to respond. It also enables the speaker to distinguish the engaged and attentive listeners from the bored and confused ones. As a result, psychologists developed the term isopraxism to describe such unconscious nonverbal communication mechanisms (Givens, 2015).
Cultural Association
The interpretation of eye behavior also depends on the stakeholders' cultural background. Communication parties with the same ethnic backgrounds are better placed to interpret the eye behaviors more accurately than those from diverse cultures (Samovar et al., 2014). For example, whereas Europeans regard direct eye contact as a sign that an individual is interested in the topic of discussion, many Asian communities, on the other hand, perceive that it is disrespectful to address an elderly or a person in superior position while looking directly into his/her eyes. The difference in cultural attributes means the partners must be well conversant with each other's cultural affiliations in order to be on the same page. In other words, the researcher found that decoding the eye behavior components requires a deeper understanding of all the internal and external environment factors.
Eye Behavior as a Sign of Honesty among Couples
In most cases, young couples spend most of the time gazing at each other. The eye contact transmits passion or attraction towards each other as the lovers enjoy dinner, picnics, and other outdoor activities (Leathers & Eaves, 2015). What is more, eye behavior provides accurate feedback on the receiver's reactions about particular messages. As a result, keen observers can read emotions from the eye slits. These skilled communicators know when to pause in order to give their partners time to respond to the issue raised by observing the eye movements. Furthermore, staring at another person is a way for inviting him/her to air his/her opinion. As a result, many psychologists encourage their clients to capitalize on the strengths of such nonverbal behaviors to establish a mutually satisfying relationship. Fitzgerald (2015) narrates the story of couples who sought therapy at her clinic. George and Dianne used to enjoy each other's company until they settled down and had children. The couple no longer trusts the words of mouth but rather rely on the non-verbal cues to read each other's mind and moods. In their case, the cues are more accurate than the verbal communication since it occurs subconsciously. According to Gottman (2014), the nonverbal behaviors always occur in subtle ways making it virtually impossible to control. In fact, only experts, such as highly trained undercover security agents, can convince their targets by faking the facial expression.
Eye behaviors comprise pupil dilation, blinking rates, gazing, widening, or narrowing of the eyes. For example, Siegman and Feldstein (2014) argue that pupil dilations generate some of the strongest and most genuine messages because few people are not aware of their importance. Such eye movements mostly occur during strong emotions like anger or sexual excitement. As a result, some people often wear dark glasses while others blink repeatedly to hide their feelings. In addition, Siegman and Feldstein assert that although an extended eye contact can ignite attraction, studies have found that the technique is not always effective among complete strangers. The researcher further cites that females often find men with enlarged pupils more appealing. This implies that a cunning male can intentionally widen his pupil to win sexual favors from targeted ladies.
On the other hand, partners lacking such exceptional skills, like George and Dianne, believe the gesture more than the verbal message whenever the cues are contradicting with the words of mouth. Therefore, the facial behavior enables people to determine the honesty levels of their husbands or wives. Individuals who constantly hide their true feelings through sugar coating their words or use harsh statements when they actually care often send a signal to their partners that they should not always base their decisions only on the spoken words.
Eye Behavior and Happiness
Most rational people stay in relationships that provide all the moral supports needed to achieve personal interests and everlasting happiness. That means that such commitments are free of distress associated with negative feelings, such as selfishness, dishonesty, or pretense. Simpson & Rholes (2015) found that prolonged eye contact stimulates the release of phenylethylamine, a hormone controlling the feelings of attraction. However, the feeling changes as the relationship matures. For example, most married people hardly look at each other. This is in line with a 1970's empirical study by a leading Harvard psychologist which revealed that couples in perfect love matches look at each other 75% of the time several years after marriage while talking to each other (Simpson & Rholes, 2015). In contrast, the couples in forced marriages or those who are not satisfied with their relationship do not recognize the benefits of such critical eye behaviors 30 -60% of the time.
The continuous eye contact sustains the chemistry as the couples are assured that their partners are still strongly attracted to them. This is because the couples develop unique bonding over time and, hence, express more rewarding values that can be expressed in words (Givens, 2015). The facial expressions usually accompany other gestures such as tender touches. That is obvious that the absence of these actions implies that the partner may not be in the mood for intimacy. What is more, conscious lover also moves beyond the ordinary communication routine. For example, the individual will sooth their partners, prepare favorite dinners, or organize any other comforting activity whenever they detect that they are disturbed but not ready to talk about their problems. This is because it is virtually impossible to keep secrets from a person that has been studying their lovers' eye behaviors for a while (Givens, 2015).
Some studies also suggest that the gestures may lead to secretion of oxytocin which is responsible for long-term bonding and commitment (Simpson & Rholes, 2015). However, other researchers have contradicted the findings claiming that the release of oxytocin due to eye gazing depends on the context. For example, Love's (2015) research concluded that the hormones increased gloating and envy more than it contributed to feelings such as empathy and affiliation. Therefore, from the researcher's perspective, the eye behavior can enhance the parties' bad memory or focus their attention on the attractive features about their partners. In other words, there is a consensus that eye contact does not only have therapeutic benefits but is also an important behavior for increasing environmental awareness among the people with disabilities, such as autistic individuals. In contrast, the debates about the long lasting effects of the eye contact are ongoing.
The eye behavior further manifests itself through the blinking rates. In normal cases, people blink twenty times per minute. In contrast, body arousal levels often increase the rates by more than three times triggering the reticular activating system (RAS). Love (2015) explains that emotions such as strong liking produce dopamine, thereby, causing more rapid blinking. However, the high eye movements may result whenever an individual is not speaking the truth. This means that George and Dianne should keenly observe such eye movements.
According to Wynston (2013), John Stacy Adam's equity theory, also known as social exchange model, illustrates the principles underlying the distribution of gains and sacrifices associated with the successful relationships. Is can be observed that the happy couples achieve maximum rewards by establishing ways for apportioning the benefits and costs equitably. In addition, effective and high quality communication presents the best tools for adding the greatest value in a relationship. For example, George and Dianne can rekindle their passion by not only opening up about their displeasure but also employing the right mix of verbal and non-verbal communication.
At the moment, the couples are distressed because they perceive that they are not investing too much in the relationship but are getting inadequate attention or satisfaction in return. In Gottman's (2014) view, the communication gap creates opportunities for the partners to construct various meanings that are often contrary to their lovers' real feelings. For example, the undesirable facial gestures may influence Dianne so that she thinks that the changes in George's behavior might be because he does not love Dianne anymore (Glenn, 2016).
On the other hand, the intangible things, such as a genuine smile and direct eye contact, will restore the passion and energize the couples to work out their differences, as well as strengthen their relationships. What is more, the affection overcomes the tension that may result due to the influence of the popular cultural beliefs. That is, the appropriate eye behavior supplements the ongoing interaction, thereby, creating a positive impression and strong bonds between the partners.
The Future Implications of the Study's Findings to Communications Media and Other Fields
Despite the eye behavior being a relatively old study area, there are several gaps and controversies over the importance of particular gestures. For example, there are undivided opinions on the interpretation of the effects of the hormones released during prolonged eye contact. Therefore, this project encourages scholars to conduct more empirical studies to eliminate the misconception. There is a need for more extensive studies on the biological reaction that lead to the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and phenylethylamine and their effects on the hidden messages conveyed through the kinesics.
The world is also experiencing rapid digital transformations that may send mixed reactions during dates. The younger generations are fond of updating their Instagram and What's up profiles while engaging in meaningful conversations with their partners, employers, and clients. Consequently, it is vital to investigate the implications of such social changes on the roles played by the nonverbal cues in enhancing the understanding between communication parties.
How the Theories Discussed apply to Communications and Media Field
The study explores various theoretical models through a multidisciplinary lens, thereby, contributing new knowledge not only to the communications and media fields but also to the other social sciences. It provides opportunities for other researchers to study the links between non-verbal communication models and concepts, such as social exchange and equity in relationships. The theories further examine the unique barriers hindering effective communication, such as the biological reactions, wearing dark glasses, and faking non-verbal cues.
In conclusion, facial behavior is vital part of interpersonal communication, as well as satisfying the partners' social and emotional needs. The study concludes that happy relationships involve evaluating the partners' commitment to the relationships from holistic perspectives. The couples must demonstrate their attraction, honesty, and trustworthiness through the spoken words and nonverbal behaviors. The appropriate combination of eye behavior and verbal communication skills shapes the partner's perception about the partners' efforts to build a more rewarding relationship. Only eye contact can sometimes help read the truth, understand the mood, make the partner feel better, or even prove one's love. That is why the role of nonverbal means, namely eye behavior, should not be underestimated in a successful communication process between two people in love.
References
Anjali, H. & Hans, E. (2015). Kinesics, haptics and proxemics: Aspects of non-verbal communication. IOSR Journal of Humanities and Social Science 20 (2), 47 - 52.
Chu, M., Meyer, A., Foulkes, L., & Kita, S. (2014). Individual differences in frequency and saliency of speech-accompanying gestures: the role of cognitive abilities and empathy. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(2), 694.
Fitzgerald, J. (Ed.). (2017). Foundations for Couples' Therapy: Research for the Real World. New York: Taylor & Francis.
Givens, D. B. (2015). Measuring gestures. In The Social Psychology of Nonverbal Communication. Palgrave Macmillan UK.
Glenn, S. S. (2016). Verbal behavior and cultural practices. Behavior Analysis and Social Action, 7(1, 2), 10-15.
Gottman, J. M. (2014). What predicts divorce?: The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Abingdon: Psychology Press.
Leathers, D. G., & Eaves, M. (2015). Successful nonverbal communication: Principles and applications. Abingdon: Routledge.
Love, T. M. (2014). Oxytocin, motivation and the role of dopamine. Pharmacology Biochemistry and Behavior, 119, 49-60.
Samovar, L. A., Porter, R. E., McDaniel, E. R., & Roy, C. S. (2014). Intercultural communication: A reader. Boston: Cengage Learning.
Siegman, A. W., & Feldstein, S. (2014). Nonverbal behavior and communication. London: Psychology Press.
Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (2015). Attachment theory and research: New directions and emerging themes. New York: The Guilford Press,
Wynston, D. (2013). Partner perception of nonverbal social skills and its impact on relationship satisfaction in dating couples. University of Rhode Island Press.
