With the increased usage of social technology and the necessity to establish new interactions, it has been easier for people especially the youth to develop and maintain the relationships with others. A palpable caution, nonetheless, is that with this category of people gaining exposure to every sort of persons and originalities, it is easy to reluctantly establish a affiliation with harmful people- persons who can negatively affect their social and mental health. In spite of this caution, there is still high pressure from the society for the youth and other people to make as many friends as possible, and present themselves out there, almost to a fault. It is on very rare occasions that we find instinctual talks about the possible negative effects in so doing or protective ways in relation to toxic relationships. In every relationship communication is the main indicator of its status. Carried out at different levels and using different channels, interpretation is dependent not just in the way that it is delivered verbally but ironically better spoken with expressions, touch and the proximity in which it is delivered.
There exist a considerable amount of literature in relation to abuse and toxicity in relationships, particularly in teenage relations. As of the present, nonetheless, most of the literature concentrates on ‘victim versus aggressor' trope in these relationships and the associated psychological responses. There is however very little the research has done to define the motives behind any of the behaviors if any. Since toxic relationships at a youthful age are as harmful as they are inclining, it is important to understand them from a communicative and objective point of view. Instead of consistently building the trope of ‘victim versus aggressor,' we need to acknowledge the power imbalances between people involved in a relationship and also analyze the form of verbal and non-verbal behaviors that develop (Andersen, et al. 213). With a good background of the communication styles in such interactions will help the youth to develop better and healthy relationships in their later years.
Scholars concede that in any relationship, there is usually some kind of power imbalance. This is explained as inequality in power between two persons in a relationship. Inequality is in most cases evidenced in abusive relationships between close friends, and also in romantic relationships (Guerrero, Laura and Floyd 178). The imbalances are a result of one party or both within the relationship expressing a sense of low esteem, anger, jealousy or anxiety, and hence feel that they should assert authority over the weaker person to moderate any issues, or become submissive to the supreme party by force just to recover a feeling of reassurance. As a result, unsettled discords, miscommunication, deceit, and at least the weaker party having to suffer physically or/and emotionally in the hands of the supreme one becomes the norm (Knudson‐Martin, Carmen, et al. 207). Another consequence of power imbalance is the feeling of doom by the weaker party since they feel that they cannot quit the relationship since it provides them with a thing they believe they can't find elsewhere. That thing is usually what the supreme party, who may as well have a strong need for it- relies on so as to retain a strong relationship with the weaker party resulting in several nonverbal cues.
Nonverbal communication is defined as the use of such cues as facial expressions, gestures, body posture, eye contact of the tone of voice to convey a message. Nonverbal communication can be used independently or alongside verbal communication (Knapp, et al 112). In a toxic communication, the common nonverbal communication used include violent cues associated with abuse, like for example assault. Dismissiveness is interestingly a dominant theme in nonverbal communication. This is depicted as actively ignoring the victim for several reasons, assuming the victim does not exist physically or more pretending not to associated with them for instance ‘ i don't know them'. Physical, violent contact has proven to be very potent in destroying the victim both communicatively and psychologically. Further, the use of dismissive cues also heightens feelings of incompetence in the weaker person as well as affirming any ideas of self-depreciation (Bente, Gary, et al 765). The supreme party is able to reaffirm their status by taking over most communication in an abusive relationship since they can perfectly dominate and effectively utilize both verbal and nonverbal cues to achieve their goals.
The weaker party, on the other hand, uses nonverbal cues through submission and avoidance. Since facing conflict usually results to miscommunication and hence fights within the affair, the weaker party will generally allow their dominant partner to be without interfering. In such a case fear is overwhelmingly playing upon their decision with respect to the relationship, for example, the fear of making their supreme party angry, or fear of being left. They go through fear and distress, similar to their other partner, but features like low self-esteem or potential depression largely affect their behavior in the relationship. Since these cues can not counter those exemplified by the dominant counterpart, they end up establishing further the power imbalance. The effects of such kind of communication in a relationship are detrimental since they leave the partners with no connection and trust with each other (Seiffge-Krenke, Inge, and William 138)It also creates feelings of fear especially for the weaker party and lack of understanding.
Even though it cannot be concluded of all, a majority of abusers share a common type of personality and body language. Most of them are dishonest and their behaviors that may help in identifying them are usually very elusive. However, the ability to identify these traits can serve as a good warning to people that their partner might be a potential abuser. Most abusers, for example, will portray entitlement. Since they feel superior, they think that they are entitled to special treatment. They will even jump queues since they feel so special that they don't deserve waiting. Their facial expression may look like that of complacency or pride. They may even go further to demand attention in a public gathering through the use of threatening gesture like shaking their fists. When they don't receive the entitlement that they think they deserve, they often react with an outburst of anger and their voices get even louder. Usually, abusers do not take a no while seeking for physical satisfaction. For anyone with a partner depicting such characters, it might be the right time to know that the relation if not yet will eventually be abusive, because the abusers will always want to have they way, regardless of what their partners feel or think.
Works Cited
Andersen, Peter A., Laura K. Guerrero, and Susanne M. Jones. "Nonverbal behavior in intimate interactions and intimate relationships." The Sage handbook of nonverbal communication. SAGE Publications Inc., 2006.
Bente, Gary, et al. "The others: Universals and cultural specificities in the perception of status and dominance from nonverbal behavior." Consciousness and Cognition 19.3 (2010): 762-777.
Guerrero, Laura K., and Kory Floyd. Nonverbal communication in close relationships. Routledge, 2006.
Knapp, Mark L., Judith A. Hall, and Terrence G. Horgan. Nonverbal communication in human interaction. Cengage Learning, 2013.
Knudson‐Martin, Carmen, et al. "Competencies for addressing gender and power in couple therapy: A socio-emotional approach." Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 41.2 (2015): 205- 220.
Seiffge-Krenke, Inge, and William J. Burk. "The dark side of romantic relationships: Aggression in adolescent couples and links to attachment." Mental Health " Prevention 3.4 (2015): 135-142.
