The Role of Shame in Sex Addiction

As argued by Hall (2013), sex addiction continues to be a highly controversial problem. Clinicians and researchers have described sex addiction as a mechanism used to cope up with the profound damage caused by childhood trauma. In this case, sex addicts begin to learn in the course of their development that sex is a crucial escape mechanism that heals the pain inflicted by trauma and helps them get over it. Also, empirical and clinical data have demonstrated that the sexually addictive behaviors of women are more rationally motivated (Cohn, 2013). The scholar goes further to state that an addictive disease involves tolerance and withdrawal. It should also be progressive, chronic and fatal. Apart from that, Mckeague (2014), argues that there are different estimates for the prevalence rates of sexual addiction. In this case, previous studies have established that these rates range from 3%-10% to 17%.


These percentages account for 17% to 37% million people who are victims of sexual addiction. On the same note, other authors have also indicated that 40-50% of the population affected by sex addiction are women. Based on these rates, it is evident that sex can be addictive. In light of this task, the essay primarily seeks to substantiate the claim that sex is addictive. In this case, the paper will explore studies conducted by various scholars to support the argument. In addition, the paper will also provide a counter-argument where the views put forth by critics of sexual addiction will be discussed.


Argument


Mckeague (2014) conducted a literature review on gender differences to establish the treatment of needs of women who are victims of sex addiction. In examining the etiological factors of sex addiction, the researcher concentrated on four main areas. They include trauma, attachment, and cultural contributions.


Trauma


Mckeague (2014) states that a survey conducted among 24 male and 21 female sex addicts revealed that 96% of them had previous experiences of sexual abuse, where the practice was more rampant among females. Also, in a study of 21 females and 19 males, it was established that 57.9% of men and 76.2% of women had been exposed to sexual abuse. Besides, women were likely to experience posttraumatic stress compared to their male counterparts. Further, in another larger study which involved 539 undergraduate students, 30.8% male and 69.2% female, it was found out that incidences of childhood sexual abuse and weak family relationships increase the risk of developing out of control sexual behaviors.


Disrupted attachments


Researchers affirm that the previous experiences of sex addiction victims are filled with attachment disruptions which are caused by various factors such as trauma, dysfunctional families that are characterized by unhealthy rules and poor boundaries. Also, they can happen in families where the caregivers have mental illnesses or addictions. Mckeague (2014) also indicates that qualitative interviews conducted among female sex addicts who were of the opinion that their mothers to be cold, unsafe and unavailable. Consequently, these victims sought to find something that they could attach themselves to, and this was sexual behavior. Distorted attachment with fathers and disrupted attachments with mothers were also discovered to be critical factors that lead to sex addiction.


The role of shame


Mckeague (2014) claims that different authors have described shame as a key aspect that fuels the sexual addiction cycle. Because of shame, individuals develop feelings of chronic worthlessness and deficiency. As a result, they seek means of alleviating these feelings. This increases their vulnerability to sex addiction. Besides, the author states that shame can manifest itself in various ways. Firstly, it makes individuals feel worthless. Also, sex addicts feel that if other people get to know them fully, they will stop loving them. Lastly, shame can be manifested when children are made to believe that a relationship or sex is an essential human need. As they grow up, they strive to achieve this need at all costs. Notably, shame among female sex addicts is more prevalent because they have gender-specific beliefs that lead to shame and sex addiction (Iwen, 2014).


Cultural contributions


Culture makes women within the society to believe that their knowledge, hopes, and dreams are insignificant because they will eventually get their identity from an ideal male partner. This cultural message makes them externalize their anger through sex addiction or substance abuse. Also, another cultural message that leads to sex addiction is that sex is synonymous with love. Such standard makes women feel disappointed. They are compelled to chase for their perfect partner leading to sex addiction.


Additionally, Griffiths (2012) states that the advent of the internet has enabled online users to engage in a broad range of sexual behaviors. Through the internet, people can participate in sexual activities that will considerably compliment their offline sexual lives. People can use the internet to engage in cybersex.  In light of this, the author claims that sexual behavior on the internet can either be cyber sexual consumption or cyber sexual interaction with others. In this case, cyber sexual consumption refers to a situation where individuals download and watch sexual content online, for instance, pornography or read sexual content in sites without taking part. Either way, all these behaviors manifest sexual desires which may lead to sexual addiction.


Moreover, Hall (2013) asserts that sexual addiction is an extraordinary contentious problem that affects relationships in most intimate ways. The author used the BERSC model to describe the complexities associated with sex and pornography addiction.  This particular model explores five crucial influences. They include culture relationship, society, emotion, and biology. In the article, the scholar provided two case examples. The first one involved a couple, Jon and Amanda who had gone for counseling. This happened after Amanda realized that Jon had been visiting prostitutes for seven years of their 12-year marriage. Jon had developed the habit of watching pornography when his wife was away on business matters or occasions.


Therefore, the author’s literature review supports the claim that sex can be addictive. From the discussion, trauma is a foundational piece of sexual addiction, and it is a key aspect of the addictive process. Besides, attachment ruptures were also cited to be contributing factors the development of sex addiction in women. Moreover, the scholar argues that shame is used as a coping mechanism for emotional pain experienced by victims. Also, cultural messages and the internet perpetuate sex addiction. These four factors are a clear demonstration that sex can be addictive thus supporting the argument put forth by this essay. Also, today’s technological advancements have allowed people take part in cybersex by visiting pornographic sites or downloading and watching sexual content online. On top of that, John and Amanda’s case study is also a demonstration of sex addiction. Because of watching pornography, Jon became addicted and began to visit prostitutes so that he satisfy his sexual desires. All these examples and explanations by various authors support the paper’s argument that sex can be addictive.


Counterargument


On the other hand, critics argue that the internet provides a safe environment for sexual exploration as opposed to offline activities.  These critics further state that the internet is less physical and does not pose any social danger. Griffiths (2012) argues that individuals can engage in sexual behaviors online which they may not necessarily engage or apply them in their offline lives. 


As it was previously noted, Cohn (2013) argues that an addictive disease should be meet the following criteria.


Tolerance


Tolerance means that more and more of the substance is required for one to get similar results.


Withdrawal


Withdrawal implies that a distressing psychological reaction accompanies discontinuation of use subsequently making abstinence problematic and a painful experience.


Progressive, chronic and fatal


This criterion means that the disease worsens over time and it cannot be cured.


The critics use these particular criteria to dismiss the argument that sex can be addictive. Other behaviors such as substance abuse introduce foreign chemicals into the brain resulting in addiction. This means that victims have to continue using the same substances for them to feel normal. On the contrary, sex does not. By these standards of addiction, it can be stated that sexually compulsive behavior does not fit into the criteria for addiction because it is not progressive, chronic or fatal. Also, it does not meet the requirements of tolerance and withdrawal. The researchers argue that sex addiction as a purely social phenomenon and not a clinical or medical one. Therefore, according to the critics, sex cannot be addictive (Griffiths, 2012).


Conclusion


From the essay, it was argued that sex can be addictive. This is evident from the studies and reports tabled by various scholars. In substantiating this claim, the paper started by narrating how trauma has significantly contributed to sex addiction. Researchers describe sex addiction as one of the strategies used to overcome the pain and trauma children are subjected to as they grow up. Moreover, It was established that disrupted attachments in childhood make children reluctant in seeking support, nurturing and safety from their parents. This considerably affects their healthy attachment and development of their identity. Disrupted attachments leave them desperate, and they find something else that they can feel attached to, which in this case is sexual behavior. This practice sets the stage for a pattern of sexual addiction. Also, the essay established how shame leads to sex addiction. In this case, shame makes individuals feel that they are bad and worthless people. Such kind of people turn to sex and use it as a maladaptive coping mechanism for their shame. On top of that, it was established that cultural messages have led to increased rates of sex addiction. It was also found out that the use of the internet has been one of the underlying reasons for sex addiction. Cyber sexual consumption and interaction result in sexual desires which lead to addiction. Further, it was argued that technological innovations such as the internet have enabled individuals to visit pornographic sites where they can access, download and watch explicit content intensifying their sexual desires leading to sex addiction. This is evident from Jon’s case whom despite being married, he used to watch pornographic content and visit prostitutes. Also, the paper discussed various arguments put forth by critics. In spite of this, research has indicated that sex is addictive and that’s the position taken in this particular essay.


References


Cohn, R. (2013). Calming the tempest, bridging the gorge: healing in couples ruptured by “sex addiction” [PDF file], (29th ed.). San Francisco, USA: College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists.


Griffiths, M. (2012). Internet sex addiction: A review of empirical research [PDF file], (pp. 111-124). Nottingham.


Hall, P. (2013). Sex addiction – an extraordinarily contentious problem [PDF file] (29th ed., pp. 68-75).


Iwen, M. (2014). Shame, Sexual Addiction, and Consumption in American Culture [PDF file] (pp. 413-425). New York.


Mckeague, E. (2014). Differentiating the Female Sex Addict: A Literature Review Focused on Themes of Gender Difference Used to Inform Recommendations for Treating Women With Sex Addiction [PDF file], (pp. 203-220). West Chester University, West Chester, Pennsylvania.

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