Historically, destructive relationships have a strongly engrained male-controlled system that gives women lesser proprietary rights compared to men. The problem of destructive relationship has attracted the attention of the entire world because it is a universal social phenomenon that pervert’s society at nearly all levels. Traditional and cultural values as ways of resolving problems in such relationships have proved futile because they continue to perpetuate violence of men toward women. A woman is believed to derive her social status based on her relative position to a man. In this respect, she can be a wife, a daughter, a girlfriend, of the mother of a man’s children. Although it may sound easy to walk out of a destructive relationship to leave a violence-free life, most women chose to stay in such relationships because of fear, children, distorted thoughts, and financial constraints.
Causes of Women to Stay in Destructive Relationships
The primary reason why women remain in destructive relationships despite the risks of being hurt psychologically and physically is because of fear. Women in destructive relationships argue that it is more dangerous to leave their destructive partners than stay in the relationship. Many times, walking out of a destructive relationship is not only emotionally difficult but also life-threatening. Women fear being threatened after leaving their abusive partners. There is overwhelming evidence to support the argument that the threat of bodily harm is powerful and most destructive partners use this threat to keep their women confined in the relationship (Jahme, 2010). Many times, women are threatened by their partners who promise to hunt them down and even harm all their beloved ones if they decide to leave. Such women are much more likely to be traumatized and terrorized compared to their male partners. As a result, they may feel trapped in the relationship because of the fear of their partners’ threats. They are always afraid of what might happen if they decide to walk out of the destructive relationship. Worse still, some women remain in the destructive relationships because of the fear that they may remain single forever. Moreover, some chose to stay because they are afraid of being independent and constantly doubt if they can make it alone without the support of their partners.
Another reason why women remain in destructive relationships despite the risks of being killed or hurt is due to children. Most women in destructive relationships remain in such relationships because they want to maintain their family (Pugh " Sun, 2018). Although it may be hard to stay in a destructive relationship, most women chose to stay because they believe that staying is in the best interest of their children. They may feel guilty about going with children away from their father. Additionally, they feel that they may never be able to provide fully for their children as they did it with their partners. Additionally, some are usually worried about the safety of their children after they decide to leave their partners because even, they leave, the court may decide to grant their partners partial custody of the children (Rakovec-Felser, 2014). Women may also stay in destructive relationships because of having distorted thoughts about leaving (Copp et al., 2015). There is no doubt in arguing that being hurt and controlled by a person you may think cares so much about you is traumatizing. As a result, women who are hurt continuously and controlled by their partners end up confused, embarrassed, and ashamed. This experience results in doubt at sometimes into self-blame. The experience also wears women down, thereby causing them despair and guilt.
In this respect, women stay in destructive relationships because they have been made to believe that they deserve to. Others stay because they have been made to think that they are the ones who always trigger their partners to abuse them. Worse still, some women stay in such relationships because they are not sure if the emotional abuse or physical abuse is an abuse (Estrellado " Loh, 2016). What is more, women stay because feel ashamed and embarrassed to tell such stories to their close friends and relatives because their thoughts have already been distorted. Finally, most women remain in destructive relationships because of financial constraints. According to Heim et al., (2018), some women stay in relationships however abusive the relationship is because of financial need and dependency. Women who are married or at least stay with their partners may not leave such relationships because of the fear of being left to survive on their own. Some women may financially dependent on their abusive partners. Therefore, without any source of income, a place to go, or even access to resources, it may seem so impossible for such women to just get up and leave their abusive partners. They would rather stay with their abusive partners than feel helpless after walking away from them.
In brief, the problem of destructive relationship has attracted the attention of the entire world because it is a universal social phenomenon that pervert’s society at nearly all levels. A woman in a destructive relationship is deprived of so many things because it is believed that her social status depends on her relative position with a man. Even though women in destructive relationship risk being hurt physically and psychologically, many of them remain in such relationships because of reasons such as fear, financial constraints, children, and distorted thoughts. Cases of abusive of relationship may not end soon unless the world comes to the rescue of partners who are abused in such relationships.
References
Copp, J. E., Giordano, P. C., Longmore, M. A., " Manning, W. D. (2015). Stay/leave decision-making in non-violent and violent dating relationships. Violence and victims, 30(4), 581.
Estrellado, A. F., " Loh, J. (2016). To stay in or leave an abusive relationship: losses and gains experienced by battered Filipino women. Journal of interpersonal violence, 0886260516657912.
Heim, E., Ajzen, I., Schmidt, P., " Seddig, D. (2018). Women’s Decisions to Stay in or Leave an Abusive Relationship: Results from a Longitudinal Study in Bolivia. Violence against women, 24(14), 1639-1657.
Jahme, C. (2010, May 24). Why do so many women put up with domestic violence? The Guardian, p. 1.
Pugh, B., Li, L., " Sun, I. Y. (2018). Perceptions of why women stay in physically abusive relationships: a comparative study of Chinese and US college students. Journal of interpersonal violence, 0886260518778264.
Rakovec-Felser, Z. (2014). Domestic violence and abuse in an intimate relationship from a public health perspective. Health psychology research, 2(3).
