Divorce's Influence on Children's Thinking and Attitudes
Divorce's influence started as a myth in antiquity. Divorce, like a flaming bush, spread the message that it has an effect on children's thinking and attitudes toward marriage. It was previously said that if the parents were angry, the rest of the family would be as well. As a consequence, the reverse was presumed to be right. It was reasoned that if it made the mother happier, it would make the children happy. Several research on the topic of divorce, however, have been published in recent years. According to the revelation by the researchers, the children_x0092_s perception of marriage is altered when their parents separate. According to Zimmerman et al. (29), the condition is even worse if the parents decide to move on into new romantic relationships. Thanks to research, it is revealed that about 54% of divorcees as not happy either after separating. Through an interview, the paper will aim at drawing conclusions on how divorce influences the thoughts and attitudes of children.
The _x0093_No Fault_x0094_ act as established in 1964 acted as the embodiment of modern divorce. The law has graduated into a lifestyle allowing marriages to dissolve at the slightest provocation from either party. Today, over 40% of marriages in the western world end up in separation with _x0093_no proof of wrongdoing._x0094_ The paper will highlight the plight of one of the many cases of divorce in our society. Throughout the course of the interview, the participant_x0092_s confidentiality and anonymity will be maintained. For this reason, the details about her true identity, age, and residence are withheld. However, for the purpose of writing this paper, she will be referred to as Carol White. The interviewee is an adult above the age of twenty-one years. Her parents divorced when she was just eleven years old. As the breadwinner, he won the custody of their only daughter as the mother went back to live with her parents in France. Two years down the line, her father married another wife and went on to have a baby in their second year of marriage. The interview was taken on 14th April 2017.
Interview with Carol White
One of the interesting points to air out is Carol_x0092_s vivid memory of the series of events after her parents separated. On the night her parents spilled the beans, Carol remembers a moment of pin-drop silence in the house. _x0093_No further conversations were held that evening,_x0094_ she reveals. During that time she ran out of words as the news were a shock to her. In disbelief, she quickly ran to her room and wept for the better part of the night. In the days that followed, her emotions started to pour out. She was filled with confusion and her heart was full of sadness. _x0093_I adopted a tendency of staying in the house on weekends,_x0094_ she admits. She also clarifies her adopted attitude towards her friends in school as she kept to herself and avoided any unnecessary interaction. Her normal life suddenly turned upside down.
The Positive Memories
The only positive thing Carol could remember about her parent_x0092_s divorce is the undivided attention days before her mother traveled back to France. _x0093_These were my best days,_x0094_ she proclaims with a smile. Her parents paid close attention to her welfare often whispering words of comfort. Their explanation for divorce fell on deaf ears since Carol never understood why they chose their happiness over hers. Numerous questions run through her mind although she kept it all to herself. _x0093_When my parents are happy, I will be happy,_x0094_ she convinced herself to save blushes. As days turned into weeks, her perception changed and regretted the day she allowed her mother to walk outside the house. Without any reasonable doubt, she would have insisted on accompanying her mother.
The Loneliness and Abandonment
In her description, Carol seemed to have forgotten her life before her parent_x0092_s split up. She remembers having frequent worries about her future. The split ruined her peace of mind and happiness altogether. As Carol recalls, _x0093_Things were different, I could spend three months without the sight of my mother._x0094_ As she explained, she felt that her parents had betrayed her and did not care much about her welfare. When her father married another wife, Carol felt that she was forgotten and the attention of her father turned to the new family. Despite the provision from her father, Carol experienced the loneliest moments in her life as a teenager. In her pinpoint descriptions, Carol felt abandoned as the world turned its back on her.
The Psychological Effects
Years after her father settled with another family, Carol admits to suffering from psychological issues. She understood that her parents were busy tending to their needs and wants. The fear of abandonment had come true and affected her self-esteem. The first family was out of sync, and Carol looked for attention elsewhere. In her quest to find companionship, new problems ensued at home with the second wife. Marital problems at home forced her into depression as she tried to balance her social status and domestic issues. In her words, _x0093_I was forced to mature before age, and the whole experience was overwhelming._x0094_ The situation got worse with age since she could understand more about the events that took place around her.
The Impact on Carol's Romantic Relationships
With tears running down her cheeks, Carol was reluctant to reveal that the separation of her parents influenced her attitude on marriage. As a young adult, Carol is facing unique challenges with her romantic relationships. As she responds to the question on how divorce is affecting her today, Carol seems to bear a lot on her mind. She opens up about her over-protection and insecurity in her copious relationships. The attitude has often worked for the worse as it annoys her partners. As a result, Carol remains single while she hopes to find an understanding companion. Certainly, Carol fears commitment with the wrong spouse as it may lead to divorce. At the thought of divorce, Carol seems to change her perspective citing her consideration to become a single parent. She adds that _x0093_It is more peaceful and independent._x0094_
Facts About Divorce
Carol is among thousands of adult children to have experienced the effect of their parent_x0092_s split up. Thus, the analysis of her interview is significant in pointing out general facts about her attitude and thoughts on marriage. Contrary to popular opinion, the major effect of divorce is apparent in adulthood. The children of divorce tend to suffer profound, cumulative, and long-lasting effects. For instance, children of divorce are more favorable to the idea of cohabitation and premarital sex. This attitude puts future marriages at risk, keeping in mind that cohabitation has the highest probabilities of domestic violence as well as divorce. Notably, romantic relationships from children of divorced parents are characteristic of problems such as anxiety, as the majority choose to avoid commitment altogether (Zimmerman 42). Nevertheless, counseling has proven to be a positive route to try and salvage the nature of future relationships. Parents are also urged to persevere in their marriages for the sake of their children_x0092_s welfare.
Despite the fact that children of divorce fare almost the same as those from intact homes, the former are more susceptible to sleeper effects. Therefore, divorce is an unnecessary evil. While it may act as the easy way out of a failing marriage, the children fall victim for the rest of their lives. The emotional damage stretches out to more than thirty-five years into the romantic relationships of the adult children. Unquestionably, parent_x0092_s split up is the source of destabilization, loss of self-esteem, and the end to childhood life for kids of divorce. Parents should not be fooled by the resilience of their children in the first stages. The divorce plants a negative aspect of marriage in the children, which is unhealthy for their future family. While the decision might be easy for the parents, there should be a due consideration of the welfare of the children. Certainly, it is not easy for most adult children. Divorce should not be the first option out of a troubled marriage. If anything, it should be the last. Otherwise, continued cases of divorce will yield a future of cohabitation and premarital sex; a recipe for a troubled society.
Zimmerman, Jeffrey, and Elizabeth S. Thayer. Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents' Breakup and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Pub, 2016. Print.