The speaker in the talk is a woman called Julie Lythcott-Haims, and the talk is being held in New York. The talk is in a psychological perspective on the topic of How to raise successful kids without over parenting. The theme of the talks is that parents should not be overprotective in every aspect of their kids’ lives. Most parents expect their kids to be perfect in everything they do. Parents are so cautious to ensure their children succeed in their education and join the brand-name colleges as well as pursue a few particular professions in life. The speaker used the Harvard Grant study as primary evidence in supporting her point as well as her general life experience to promote the talk. The overprotection and over help of parents make their children deprive their kids of the chance to create self-efficacy. Lythcott-Haims argues that if children are to develop self-efficacy they have to do more of deciding, planning, doing, and thinking for themselves. However, she does not say that all children are motivated and hardworking and that parents should not be involved in any way in their lives. Furthermore, Julie argues that treating awards, accolades, and good grades in school for childhood. Thus parents should be less concerned with short-term achievements of their children such as joining a specific college or achieving a grade in high school for them to develop a sense of self. Kids must be left to develop the wellness, the skills, and the mindset to be successful in everything they do. She adds that children expect their parents to be less obsessed with academic scores and grades but rather in childhood providing a foundation for their success.
According to Lythcott-Haims, the Havard Grant study found that professional success in life can be achieved by having chores when one is still a kid. Thus, children should be exposed to house chore for them to develop a mindset that compels them to contribute their efforts for the betterment of everything. Parents should not create a checklist for their children to carry out house chores because they will end up relying on checklist even in the workplace when they grow up. Moreover, the Harvard Grant study found out that happiness in life is derived from love and not the love for work. Therefore, parents should stop being obsessed with their kids’ grades and technology but should show them love when they spent time with them.
Evaluation
Strengths of the Talk
The talk is constructive because it creates awareness to parents on the importance of not being overprotective and over guiding the children. It also informs the parents on the effects and harms that result from over parenting. Through the talk, parents learn the importance of allowing their children not to depend on checklists to perform their duties. Additionally, the talk teaches the parents why it is important for them to allow the kids to make decisions such as short-term decisions that affect their lives. By doing so, the children learn to make their own decisions and take their stands in matters that affect their lives. Overprotected children end up being unable to make decisions, and in most cases, they end up depending on checklists even as grown-ups. Parents are allowed to coach or guide their kids to ensure that they do not make wrong decisions. They should, however, do so in moderation so that in situations when the parents are unavailable, the child will know what to do or how to handle a situation not depending on their parents to do the decision making (Segrin, Woszidlo, Givertz, & Montgomery, 2013).
Weaknesses of the Talk
The talk however only guides and scolds the parents for being overprotecting of their children. The speaker does not take the parents through the correct process of protecting their children without being over protectives. The speaker is also not very clear about the age limits for which over parenting should be limited. She does not also state the solutions of overparenting. She only advised parents to show love to their children not stating how showing love will help the children to acquire the self-efficacy skill on their own. Additionally, the speaker did not state the effects of overparenting. She only insists that parents should stop over parenting their children (Maccoby, 2000).
The topic presented by the speaker was a well-researched topic because she presented examples of cases of children who were over-parented and the situation affected their future. The sources provided by the speaker were therefore reputable and reliable. The evidence provided by the speaker during the talk were also in support of the thesis. The speaker only focused on the negative side of overparenting, therefore, making the view one-sided.
Overparenting is an issue that still affects many parents. It is, therefore, necessary for extensive research to be conducted to provide parents with clearer guidelines on how to avoid over-parenting their children but still ensure that they become successful. The research conducted should focus on the advantages and disadvantages of overparenting as well as the effects of over-parenting on the children. It should also provide measures to help children to live independently and enable them to make their personal decisions that will enable them to succeed in life (Lythcott-Haims, 2015).
Reaction
I agree with Julie Lythcott-Haims’ main idea that overparenting should be stopped and kids should be allowed to develop self-efficacy. Several negative outcomes result when parents exert too much control over the lives of their children. Kids with overly involved parents may fail to have a realistic view of the world. If they grow up with everything being done for them, they will become irresponsible adults who will only work under supervision. They will also want to secure a well-paying job exactly after college because their parents pushed them to get high grades in school. Moreover, overly involved parents make their children grow up with little confidence in their skills. These kids will fail to believe in themselves whenever they face a challenge that needs their attention since they are used to be helped by their parents. They, therefore, become more ineffective in their coping skills and are therefore unable to cope without the help of their parents. Over-parented children in other cases appear to be stressed and anxious. The stress and anxiety levels in the children increase because they are unsure of what they are expected to do as well as if the decisions they make are accurate. They therefore also end up experiencing high levels of depression affecting their satisfaction levels in life. Over-parented children do not get a chance to do things on their own therefore they may not learn from their mistakes. Such children lack exposure and therefore require the experience to life issues. They end up as naïve children due to lack of experience and become vulnerable to the world and easily find themselves in trouble when their parents are not around to provide for and protect them. Overparenting also results in spoiled behaviors among children. Such children are used to a life of getting everything they want from their parents. They do not experience a deficiency in luxuries. Some parents ignore the children when they misbehave therefore the kids do not learn some basic behavioral principles. The children grow up as selfish individuals who are only concerned about what they want. With such behaviors, the kids may fail to live with other children in school because of poor discipline (Segrin, Woszidlo, Givertz, & Montgomery, 2013).
Overparenting is a factor that affects the life of a child in many ways. To ensure that children grow into responsible and successful adults, every parent has to take caution. During parenting, parents, therefore, need to exercise moderation to ensure that they raise children who can take care of themselves even in the absence of their parents. The parents should also ensure that they instill values that will help the children to make the right decisions on their own. Parents should also allow their children to interact with other kids, make mistakes and learn from their own mistakes so that they become more responsible for their actions. They should also allow the children to acquire their personalities by enabling them to make their own short-term decisions as they prepare for adulthood (Maccoby, 2000).
References
Lythcott-Haims, J. (2015). How to raise an adult: Break free of the overparenting trap and prepare your kid for success. Henry Holt and Company.
Maccoby, E. E. (2000). Parenting and its effects on children: On reading and misreading behavior genetics. Annual review of psychology, 51(1), 1-27.
Segrin, C., Woszidlo, A., Givertz, M., & Montgomery, N. (2013). Parent and child traits associated with overparenting. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 32(6), 569-595.
https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting
