The greatest social issues facing our nation are not gun violence issues, racial issues, or gender issues; rather, they are the issues of lack of parenting, lack of time building family identity, and an absence of the presence of parents in their children’s lives. We have all heard about the fatherless generation; however, if evaluating time that parents are intentionally spending with their children without phones and other technological devices, there is a sense of a parentless generation that is surfacing, which will have widespread consequences if not addressed and advocated for. Technological usage is breaking down the family, and parents are going to need to refocus, re-prioritize, and renew the idea of family time if there is going to be healing in our nation and our homes. The only variable that changes the amount of time that parents have to do intentional character training, moral training, and building of family identity are the parents themselves. The greatest challenge facing our nation is our ability to solve the parenting equation. There are many outside forces at work tearing away at the time that families used to share together, but now there is even an internal force that we call by the name of technology.
Keywords: parenting, technology, family
The Parenting Equation
Mobile and Internet Use and the Decline in Parenting
In the current society, children are raised in a technological world. Having a mobile phone and means to access the internet has become a basic need for most children especially in adolescent years. Parents are sometimes out of options and compelled to buy and allow access to mobile devices and internet. Christian Lange once described technology as a risky master and a crucial servant. The 21st century is quite difficult to avoid the impact of technology. Different people strive to acquire the latest technology either for prestige or as a necessity (Tur-Porcar, 2017). However, the society, experiences both positive and negative impacts of technology. As a basic unit of the society, the family experiences these effects first hand (Law et al., 2010). Nearly every person has a phone in the family. People have a tendency to overuse mobile phone devices as it substitutes the need for physical communication. A case scenario is the low likelihood for parents to visit their children in college every weekend while they can call or video call. The virtual connection created between the parent and the child makes parents feel close and eliminate the need for physical contact. The argument in this paper is that the increasing use of mobile devices and internet has led to a decrease in the amount of influence parents have in the lives of their children.
The Busyness Life Style
According to Saxbe et al. (2011), Americans have more free time compared to the mid-1960s. Studies have recorded that families with dual income spend most of their time doing leisure activities at home. Such activities include household chores and nursing children. The article written by Graesch (2009) articulates that most families with a dual income have adopted a ‘busyness’ perspective and fee that they live hectic life. As such, these families customize their daily schedules to fit the lifestyle and in return live in a time-deficit world. Due to being disconnected from actual time and working around schedules of perceived time, family dynamics have been adjusted. The family system, especially the parents adjust their children’s schedules to fit their busyness. The article by Graesch (2009) expresses that the changes have a direct implication on the declining parenthood experienced in three aspects. First, parents feel obligated to fulfil too much activities, these activities follow a sequence of activities for which they should be fulfilled and lastly, the experience of a particular activity until it is interrupted. The aspect influences the view by parents indicating which activities are important for the family. Ideally, research indicates that parents are more inclined to invest leisure goods like internet and mobile phones even though the investment is not a classified among cultural values of a family set up.
Children Schedules Adapt the Busyness Lifestyle
According to Graesch (2009), most parents have adapted a system that structure the lives of their children into the busyness schedule. Children are signed up for new and sophisticated level of activities including full-time studying, tuitions, sports activities and talent development courses. The excessive scholastic and extracurricular activities lead to a self-created circle, the parent has to pay for the child’s schedules, coordinate the child’s commute to different programs, and monitor the child. Also, parents are obligated to communicate with the child and other stakeholders and ensure that they maintain the parental networks with children. In an attempt to meet all these obligations, parents opt to buy mobile phones as a communication gadget but eventually the gadget introduce the child to a new and different world altogether (Pop " Rusu, 2016. The responsibility of parenting declines further.
According to Koehn and Kerns (2017), it is important to consider the age at which a parent allows children to have a mobile phone or to access to the internet. Further the purpose of having access to the internet has significant impact on the role that parents play in their responsibility to raise children. In their article, Koehn and Kerns (2017) argue that the model used to condition the child on the purpose of the phone or internet impacts parenting. Unfortunately, according to Law et al. (2010), most parents have a tendency to provide a mobile phone to a child for companionship. In such a case, the impact on the child exemplifies a decline in parenting. Children learn to rely on their phones for companionship, care and spending time.
Parents and Parenting Guide
The advancement in technology has created multiple platforms on the internet where parents can access parenting guide on how to help children develop morals and character. However, a research on trends of parenting published on google trends shows a steady decrease in the number of people who consulted parenting materials between 2004 and 2016 (Broege et al., 2007).
On the other hand, children are more acquainted with technological devices. Since the society structure is generally isolative, children are more likely to consult online platforms for guidance and advice (Law et al., 2010). The internet acquires a significant role in guiding a child’s morals, values and character which originally belongs to the parents.
The work of Deater-Deckard (2004) argues that most parents have migrated into the digital era while children are born in the era. Most parents struggle with gaining proficiency with the use of modern technology. A decline in parenting is noticeable in the manner that parents handle issues of technology. To begin with, because children are more proficient with technology compared to their parents, children are not likely to perceive the parent as a guide or teacher in technology. As such, children (and sometimes parents) assume that parents do not have authority in this area (Tur-Porcar, 2017). Further, parents might be unwilling to assert parental authority on the use or technology since they look forward to learn more from their children. Children are more inclined to disapprove the authority of their parents given the disruption of power dynamics in the family.
Physically and Psychologically Distance in the Same House
Virtual connection substitutes real physical or emotional concerns in the family (Koehn " Kerns, 2017). In most cases, family members barely see one another. Although in the same house, children create a new social life with their friends and in social media. Since other members of the group are likely to be undergoing periods of isolation at home, these children feel at peace. Children feel free to share personal struggles on social media because it is perceived to be safe, the environment is non-judgmental and harmless from the child’s approach.
In the American middle-class set-up, families do not meet often. A child’s presence at dinner is sufficient to indicate that the child is fine which might not be the case. According to Ishii (2015), children are inclined to enjoy this gap as they feel free to form social circles on online platforms. They also enjoy the independence because they are confident that are parents not in a position to control the new relationships.
Ideally, parents loose physical and emotional touch with the children. Even when the family is in the same room, everyone might prefer to connect with people online while ignoring the people in the same room. The virtual connection draw children further away from their parents. As such parents do not find a chance to impact morals, value and skills development in their children.
The article by (Self-Brown, n.d.), argues that technology is neutral and personal discipline and information that parents have is what determines the role that technology plays in the family. The article by (Hendricks, 2015) highlights that some parents over embrace technology while struggle to alienate their children completely. Such parents are afraid technology and since they not have skills to manage it, they choose avoidance. However, both approaches impact parenting negatively. When children are given an opportunity to over-embrace mobile devices and internet, they grow apart with their parents because they find technology intriguing, unrestricted and addictive. In the article by Ahrons (2005) parents who alienate their children from technology find it challenging to maintain meaningful relationship with the children. Children feel that parents are unfair and seek other means to meet their need to use technology. Taking such an option expose the child to the uncontrolled world of technology that the parents were trying to protect them from in the first through alienation.
The Parenting Equation
Albert Eienstein is said to have stated that, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results.” Although this is not the dictionary definition, in many things, it does seem like an accurate description. Parenting is not unlike many other functions or activities in our lives. It requires intentional focus, education or training, and of course a significant amount of practice. It also will have it’s fair share of triumphs and failures, victories and successes. However, one of the most crippling hurdles many parents face is simply having an awareness to the desperate need to train and teach their children. This seems so fundamental and basic that most parents would probably be offended to even imply that they were not teaching or training their children. When opinions and emotions are set aside, and a review of the math that represents the actual amount of time spent intentionally training their children is complete, the reality that there is a humbling deficit of time available in their children’s schedule to be a parent, is a glaring inequality that can not be denied.
Before explaining The Parenting Equation, it’s important to find a way to assist the parent or parents to having a revelation regarding the time deficit that most likely exists in their busy schedules. This is accomplished by keeping a time log. In the same way that many financial councilors start their financial counseling by having their clients simply track where they are spending their money, a time log is no different. Like money, time is a commodity and hold significant value. But unlike money, time is something we have no control over and have a finite amount of each and every day of our lives. Therefore, if we are willing to go to great lengths to manage our money, how much more should we be managing our time. And specifically, from a parenting perspective, the urgency should be even greater as the amount we have available to invest into our children is fractional at best compared to their lifetime.
Once the parent(s) have completed the time log you can begin to evaluate The Parenting Equation. The Parenting Equation is simply a tool to provoke reflection and spark conversation and hopefully action taken by a parent(s) that causes the expression to be true. So let’s break the equation down so that we might have a better understanding.
Fig 1. The Parenting Equation
A significant amount of care and awareness must be used when beginning to discuss such a sensitive topic. Parenting and the amount of potential emotions that can be attached to discussing someone’s parenting decisions, approach, and challenges contained within a family dynamic have the potential to have a major impact on a couple or a parent. This is why this exercise is not intended to be accusatory. Instead, it is intended to assist in providing self-reflection and revelation to further the discussion by firmly establishing the need for change. It’s only at this point that real change can take place.
Conclusion
The argument in this paper is that the increased use of mobile devices and internet has led to a decrease parenting. An assumption that a busy life is a fulfilling life that produces confident and “well rounded” children who are equipped for adulthood. People have the perception that living a busy life equals a good life. The busy schedules and the distractions induced by mobile devices and internet results in a reduction of available time for parents to spend quality time with their children teaching morals, values, and character. Parents conditions children to adapt a perceived busyness by making schedules on how the children should spend their time. The paper also addressed the decline in parenting impact despite having available advice in the internet. Logically because children spend more time on their mobile phones instead of spending it with parents. The last aspect reveals that people live in the same house but are physically and psychologically apart often meeting and interacting during meals.
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