Overall Assessment
Overall, I believe that draft met most of the requirement of a quality argumentative essay. One particular area that I did so well is properly backing up my arguments by use of evidence and supporting sentences. With a clear thesis that GMOs are economically viable, I had stated key arguments in several body paragraphs. In each of this, I clearly explained my supporting points as well as the evidence from different authors who supported my stand points. This worked well in all the supporting arguments I presented. In addition, the essay organization was done perfectly. I generated an eye-catching introduction with a very clear thesis statement. This was then followed by key arguments that supported the thesis, and each of the arguments was accompanied by supporting statements, evidence from secondary sources, and concluding remarks. Two of the body paragraphs described the possible counterarguments as well as the refutation claims. Thus, the paragraphs were greatly in support of the thesis statement.
Improvement in the First Counterargument Paragraph
One paragraph that I feel requires improvement is the first counterargument paragraph. It states that a fundamental challenge of GMO adoption is the fear of potential environmental harm including resistance to pesticides or herbicides while also posing threat to the natural environment. I, however, used only one sentence to refute the claim by suggesting that scientists believe that more research will generate strategies aimed at mitigating some of the risks making their production and consumption safer. I believe that there is more that should be done on the paragraph to refute the counterargument. Thus, the paragraph should be highlighted as below:
ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH
However, GMOs have been associated with numerous problems and have raised debates on their continued production. According to Azadi and Ho (162), a huge problem facing most countries is how organic farming can co-exist with GM foods due to the various challenges they pose to Mother Nature. Some popular controversies affecting GMOs pertains to environmental and food safety, consumer choice and labeling, ethics, intellectual properties, ecological conservation, and poverty reduction. Bawa and Anilakumar (1042), addresses some of the major concerns associated with recombinant technology and GM foods such as health hazards, ecological risks, and safety and environmental risks. Such risks include increased resistance to herbicides, forcing farmers to use more chemicals which is harmful to them and the environment. They also result to the formation of resistant weeds which require more herbicides to kill them. However, scientists believe that more research will generate strategies aimed at mitigating some of the risks making their production and consumption safer.
REVISED PARAGRAPH
However, GMOs have been associated with numerous problems and have raised debates on their continued production. According to Azadi & Ho (2010), a huge problem facing most countries is how organic farming can co-exist with GM foods due to the various challenges they pose to Mother Nature. Some popular controversies affecting GMOs pertains to environmental and food safety, consumer choice and labeling, ethics, intellectual properties, ecological conservation, and poverty reduction. Bawa & Anilakumar (2013) similarly addressed some of the major concerns associated with recombinant technology and GM foods such as health hazards, ecological risks, and safety and environmental risks. Such risks include increased resistance to herbicides, forcing farmers to use more chemicals which are harmful to them and the environment. However, scientists believe that more research will generate strategies aimed at mitigating some of the risks making their production and consumption safer. In his defense on the importance of GMOs, Aerni (2005) noted that the posited environmental risks associated with GMO can be mitigated by ensuring that the genetic content of the engineered organisms are manageable. This would mean that with any possible environmental degradation, control measures as well as counter-engineering reactions could be adopted to ensure sustainability.
References
Aerni, P. (2005). Stakeholder attitudes towards the risks and benefits of genetically modified crops in South Africa. Environmental Science & Policy, 8(5), 464-476.
Azadi, H., & Ho, P. (2010). Genetically modified and organic crops in developing countries: A review of options for food security. Biotechnology advances, 28(1), 160-168.
Bawa, A. S., & Anilakumar, K. R. (2013). Genetically modified foods: safety, risks and public concerns—a review. Journal of food science and technology, 50(6), 1035-1046.
