Effects of Divorce on Children
When two people marry, they are publicly declaring that they are loyal to each other before death. Starting a family together strengthens the relationship and allows it to be completed as a full family unit. Unfortunately, certain things do not turn out, and marriages end in divorce. One of every two marriages in America ends in divorce, and approximately 60% of these couples have children (Tartari 600). As a result, half of all relationships end in divorce. This ensures that any other divorce filed affects a child. Per year, between 850,000 and 950,000 divorces occur, according to the National Center for Health Statistics (Tartari 597). Consequently, given a rough estimate of 60% of these couples having children, at least 150,000 children are affected annually. What is harder is that children have been ripped off a family with high likelihoods of having psychological imbalances. Children often blame themselves and find it difficult to create a stable balance of attention to both parents. As a result, they develop undesirable traits and negative attitudes towards life since they would be incapable of expressing how they feel.
Opposing Position
Parents are taking divorce lightly without realizing the consequences that follow those events. However, majority of the people think that there is nothing good about separating since negativities are more obviously talked about. As expected, there would be turbulence during the separation, but becomes a healthy thing when the union involved significant conflicts. Separation from an unhappy union creates a bearable and friendlier environment for children to cope in. Children might not have to witness discontent and unhappiness between their parents. Better still, they will not be burdened with the decisions of taking sides (Kalmijn 888). They become much happier when they are living in hostile environments.
Parents may be so consumed and focused on their marital problems rather than attending their children's needs. Therefore, separating from their problems gives ample opportunity for them to connect with their children as they value their time (Kalmijn 890). Furthermore, due to less time spent between separated parents and their children, there will be increased attention and value to the quality time spent together. Despite the difficulties of divorce, bonding provides an excellent opportunity for both children and parents.
Most importantly, children from separated parents tend to have a better understanding of life. In this regard, they acquire a more caring and tolerant nature that help them cope with the dynamics of life. In other cases, they gain practical skills that enable them to be solution-oriented (Kalmijn 895). For the above reasons, children become not only safe but also psychologically stable and happier when removed from hostile situations.
Supporting Position
However, it is important to understand that ending a marriage is not a one-time thing but rather a multi-stage process before completion. Parents first develop negative emotions towards each other where they then file for a legal process of separating. What follows next is the economic separation of their acquired wealth before co-parenting begins. Community divorce follows due to shifting to newer environs before both children and parents adjust psychologically before moving on with their lives (Kalmijn 890). In this case, children are forced to cope with all stages of divorce alongside the agony of poor academic performance and decreased social interactions. Additionally, children are more likely to be in distress when seeing their parents struggle to start afresh after separation.
Without a doubt, children will harbor feelings of resentment, sadness, fear, rejection, and even loneliness. Therefore, divorce causes stress, mixed emotions, and anxiety to children of any age. These conflicting emotions eventually explode to be displayed as bad behavior. In most cases, children who do not accept divorce end up hating their parents and live in bitterness (Kalmijn 889). They often feel unimportant and neglected where boys result to violent conduct and girls become rebellious.
Unfortunately, more studies show that these adverse effects of divorce on children translate to their future lives. The sleeper effect ends up affecting their marriages and commitments. In most instances, children from divorced backgrounds will carry on a negative perception of marriage. They either fear or resent marriages with the belief that their marriage with fail (Kalmijn 890). They also become unable to solve simple issues with their partners as they would find divorce an easier route of eliminating marital problems. This is primarily because they did not have a close-up example of a good marriage.
Raising a child can be very engaging, and a child might go through deprivation of privileges they were used to before separation. Essentially, mothers are the ones who end up gaining the custody of children as opposed to fathers. Therefore, they might not be able to meet the standards of living the child was used to (Kalmijn 895). In other cases, separation of acquired wealth might impose massive financial losses and burdens to the family. In turn, children will be likely affected.
Conclusion
Many people look at divorce as a means of ending pain and conflicts in a dysfunctional relationship. As a result, parents believe that their children will be better off being co-parented than living in hostile environments. Yet, research continually shows that divorce is followed by cascading events of stress that threatens the psychological health of children. While the Parental Divorce Reform Act educates on how to reduce divorce in non-abusive relationships, many still agree that divorce is right. Ideally, divorce should accommodate not only abusive relationships but also include other instabilities. This means that non-abusive relationships are allowed to break if there is discontent of any form. However, relationships that involve children should be aware of the adverse effects it has on children. In as much as we want to believe that divorce brings peaceful co-existence for both parents and children, long-term effects are still there. In other words, divorce may provide short-term solutions to ending conflicts and mistrust, but its effects on children are long-lasting. Yes, a child might be able to cope with the situation, but completely distorts perception of commitments.
Therefore, instead of rushing to separation, other alternatives should be explored. For instance, parents might go through family therapy and counseling as a means of solving their marital problems. Divorce should be the last resort when all alternatives have been sufficiently explored. In today's world, words have a lot of impact on children. In this respect, parents undergoing separation should talk to their children in a mature way to guarantee them of their continued support and love. Through this, negative effects impacts of divorce would be counterbalanced. Raising affection and attention to the children would ensure them continued unity and love. Parents should understand that their children's needs come before theirs to prevent further emotional imbalance.
Works Cited
Kalmijn, Matthijs. "Long-term effects of divorce on parent-child relationships: Within-family comparisons of fathers and mothers." European sociological review 29.5 (2013): 888-898. Retrieved from http://esr.oxfordjournals.org/content/29/5/888.short
Tartari, Melissa. "Divorce and the cognitive achievement of children." International Economic Review 56.2 (2015): 597-645. Retrieved from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/iere.12116/full
