Self-love was associated with selfishness in the classical era, but in modern times, psychologists insist that inspiration and increased self-esteem springs from self-love and encourages mental health in the long run. One of the key attributes of persons that have achieved the level of self-actualization is self-love, such as high self-esteem, self-worth, and positive behavior (Vidiyanti 495). Self-love is not a destination that people arrive at, but children who are regularly subjected to bullying and violence are more likely to develop mental problems, loss of self-esteem and self-love as a result of people’s experiences and decisions. It would not be possible for one to achieve self-actualization without believing in themselves and believing that they are worth thus there are several developmental milestones that children must get in order to achieve self-love (Anderson 36).
Milestones Necessary to Attain Self-Love:
Parental love; parents must show love to their kids in order to shape their self-esteem and enable them attain self-actualization
Discipline; children that are disciplined by their parents are more likely to attain appreciate the way they are and would be satisfied with what they have
Family; in early childhood, it would be important that children stay around people that would influence them positively.
Stable environments that foster attainment of self-love; children have to be raised in god home environment and should be kept away from deplorable conditions.
Financial stability; parents should ensure that they cater for all the needs of their children and this is possible when they are financially stable.
Good guidance and positive influence: you children need environments where people solve their problems in a sober and a diplomatic way since this would influence their behavior when they are grown.
Safety. Young Children need to be protected by their parents.
Good childhood experience; young children need to copy behavior of the people around them, thus they need well behaved people to copy from.
Love; the need to belong is important for kids, this would help them have high self-esteem and worth.
Parental love is important since it helps one achieve self-love. Children must have parents who take care of their needs and it ranges from emotional to even physical needs (Anderson 36). Evident in the story, fathers of the author left their mothers when they were young instead of staying behind to provide parental love to them (p.14-15). Mother of the authors did not pay attention to the needs of the children evident by the fact that she let them be abused by her boyfriends. Mother of the author fought with her boyfriends and even involved her kids in violence by commanding haven to get a knife for her (p.16).
In order to achieve self-love, it would be important that a kid is disciplined and this is evident by the fact that Ervin was not a discipline kid, he got away with a lot of offenses that were criminal such as selling drugs fighting and even possessing a gun besides the fact that she is also known for assaulting the teacher at school (p.49-50). It is the function of the parent to not only be a role model for their kids but also take an active part in disciplining them.
One of the most important developmental milestones that contribute to self-love is family; this is because it has the power to influence character and lays foundation for other child’s attributes (Susukida and Ryoko and Holly and Wilcox and Tamar 246). uncles and unties of the authors died from drug use besides the fact that the author’s grandfather used to sell alcohol and possessed a gun for threatening people (p.19) besides the fact that the author watched his uncle kill, uncle chick taught him how to steal as well. The environment of the author did not influence him positively since he witnessed the irresponsible behavior of the family members (p.4-5).
Living conditions are some of the most important things that determine whether or not kids attain self-love, this is because it is the place where they spend most of their times in developing all other attributes that would be instrumental in development of self-love (Anderson 36). Living conditions of the author were low since the neighborhood they lived in was littered with garbage besides the fact that conditions of the houses in the neighborhood were deteriorated (p.12-13). Apart from living in deplorable conditions, the kids moved from town to another and from one neighborhood to another since they were evicted most of the time
Financial stability is one of the things that determine whether or not a child has most of the needs that would enable them achieve self-love, this is because for them to get most necessities such as a good place to stay, they need financially stable parents (Vidiyanti 495). Besides the fact that the author’s mother one bad decision after another, it would be important to note that living on government aid was one of the things that depicted that they were not financially stable (p.13). They lived on relief food that were not decent (p.36).
To achieve self-love, guidance and influence is important since if one is surrounded by friends and situations that makes them veer off the course of self-love, they would not attain it but if they are surrounded by environments that encourage self-love, they would attain it (Anderson 36). Since the author was always surrounded by people who were alcoholics and violent, there were high chances that he would have chosen the same irresponsible behavior. Boyfriends of the author’s mother were not only abusive but also drug addicts and fought with her regularly (p.16-17). Her mother’s boyfriend, JC was abusive to the author and when she refused to wash the dishes, he took his belt and assaulted him. The children had access to weapons, evident by the fact that Ervin took a gun and threatened to shoot the kid he was fighting with (p.50)
It would be important that one has love from their parents, this would ensure that they attain self-love, kids should stay away and should not witness violence (Vidiyanti 495). Children were not loved and never thought that their guardians loved them, this is evident by the fact that the grandfather aimed the gun at children and sometimes would hit them with his crutches. When Haven smacked his mother, it depicts that there was no love between them and she was reaping what she had sown in her son (p.47).
Self-actualization is the topmost item in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and it is attained when one realizes their full potential and this is done by achieving the best they can. It would be important to note that self-actualization is a relative term due to the fact that individuals’ potentials vary greatly and it would be important to note that one’s full potential might not be another individual’s full potential (Anderson 36). After one has attained physiological needs and all the others in the hierarchy, they reach self-actualization level.
Self-love is a characteristic of self-actualized individuals; this is because people that are at self-actualization level have a high self-esteem and accepts themselves the way they are, they do not aspire to change. Self-actualized people accept their shortcomings and they do not feel sorry about them; this makes their short comings part and parcel of their character. Because their weaknesses have become part and parcel of their character, they do not feel ashamed about them (Vidiyanti 495).
Parental love plays an important role and helps individuals achieve self-actualization since loving parents would cater for the social needs of the children as well as material needs and safety. Parents play a significant role in shaping the behavior of their kids and in raising their self-esteem. Parental love is the foundation of all the attributes and one must get it in order for them to attain self-actualization (Vidiyanti 495). Loving parents teach their kids to work hard and follow their dreams and when they become adults, teachings of their parent guide them and enable them reach self-actualization level of human needs.
The social need to belong plays an important role in shaping individuals and enabling them to attain self-actualization. People at the top level of hierarchy of needs do not feel neglected, shunned or discriminated, this is because deficiency in relationship love can adversely affect the ability of an individual to maintain relationships with family, friends, and their loved ones (Susukida and Ryoko and Holly and Wilcox and Tamar 246) . Relationship love satisfies the human need to belong and be accepted in social groups whether small or large.
Anderson, A. (2014). Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The Prairie Light Review, 36(2), 7.
Susukida, Ryoko, Holly C. Wilcox, and Tamar Mendelson. “The association of lifetime suicidal ideation with perceived parental love and family structure in childhood in a nationally representative adult sample.” Psychiatry research 237 (2016): 246-251.
Vidiyanti, M. O. (2016). AKTUALISASI DIRI TOKOH SAYURI DALAM NOVEL TERJEMAHAN MEMOAR SEORANG GEISHA KARYA ARTHUR GOLDEN: KAJIAN KEBUTUHAN BERTINGKAT ABRAHAM MASLOW (Self-Actualization of Sayuri Character in Translated Novel Memoir of a Geisha by Arthur Golder: Study of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs). SAWERIGADING, 21(3), 495-504.