The theme for this essay is: I have a serious relationship with a divorced guy. I deny that I am open to a serious relationship with a divorced person. In the last 50 years the American attitude towards a serious relationship with a divorced person has changed drastically, so people don’t take marital structures seriously (until death divides us) even though they don’t renounce. According to the estimates of the census office, today the probability of a 45% breakdown in the US is 45%, while the second marriage is 60%. (Hofferth and Casper 52). Divorce has increased, and the majority of people have accepted this norm. In 1960 13% of all married couples had been married before, compared with today 24%. Remarriage has now become common in America mainly because 25% of people between 16-45 years have parents that are divorced and this is the reason for a massive positive attitude change for last 50 years (Andersen and Taylor 21).
Divorce affects all aspects of a person’s life both, physical/biological. According to scientists’ evaluation of 3,682 divorced individuals’ for ten years, the majority of them had health and cardiovascular problems, such as loneliness, diabetes, blood pressure, smoking, body fat and cholesterol among others (Casper and Bianchi 61). The heart of a divorced person is highly wounded, and it takes time before it is healed. That is why there is a well-established link between divorce and heart disease, social isolation, depression, and stress. Also, the majority of divorced people have a problem concerning physical attraction, something that is very crucial to a relationship. The fact that they had the previous relationship makes it hard for them to embrace the new physical attraction entirely and end up comparing creating an opening for a third party to enter. Also, many divorced people, especially women above 35 years experience difficulties in getting pregnant, and this can trigger dissatisfaction with the new relationship (Baker 45).
Although people are currently viewing divorce as a normal thing, it is very hard for the family members, particularly the man’s family to accept that their son is getting married for the first time to a divorced woman. Some cultures like those of African America, Latin America, and Indian America consider this as a bad omen. Some families like that of Indian culture, it is the family members that search wife for their son making it hard for a young man to marry a divorced woman. These cultures expect that a divorced woman should only be remarried by a man with another wife or a man who is old and his wife has died. The societal expectations are that when a man reaches around 25 years and above and also when a girl reaches 23 years and above, they will meet the right person (not divorced), and they will get married and have a lasting relationship. Therefore, it would be socially difficult for me to be in a serious relationship with a divorced person because the culture, family, and society expect me to marry someone that was not married before (Benokraitis 71).
The main personal reason why I disagree with having a relationship with someone who has been divorced is that as a Christian I believe that marriage is a sacred thing as stipulated in the bible and only death should separate a married couple. The Christian values make marriage a very significant part of a human life; therefore, it is important to understand what a man/woman is authorized by the bible to do when he/she get married. Majority of divorced couples violates these values such as, not committing adultery, respecting your wife/husband, being a provider of the family, loving your wife/husband, and accepting man as the head of the family. Someone that had broken these marriage values before cannot be a right partner to start a long-lasting relationship (Hauser 32). A friend of mine dated a divorced man and according to me, it is essential before committing yourself in a relationship with a divorced person to find out whether that person is legally divorced, how much time has passed, steps are taken to heal from divorce, and reasons for divorce. It never occurred to her that she should bother finding answers to those questions, because she loved that man very much, later, she discovered that the man was not legally divorced and he still loved his wife, and the reason for separation was because that man was unfaithful.
Some people agree on having a serious relationship with someone who has been divorced; they believe that divorced people understand the marriage commitment due to their previous experience in marriage. Also, people argue that when you marry a divorced person, he/she appreciates you very much, because they understand how much they stand to lose. Also, when a divorced person is still out there dating, it means he/she still believes in love. Therefore, when both of you becomes compatible, your romantic relationship has a chance of lasting forever (Andersen and Taylor 54).
Andersen, Margaret L, and Howard F. Taylor. Sociology: Understanding a Diverse Society. Wadsworth/Thomson Learning, 2000.
Baker, Maureen. Choices and Constraints in Family Life. Oxford University Press, 2014.
Benokraitis, Nijole V. Contemporary Ethnic Families in the United States: Characteristics, Variations, and Dynamics. Prentice Hall, 2002.
Casper, Lynne M, and Suzanne M. Bianchi. Continuity & Change in the American Family. Sage Publications, 2002.
Hauser, Daniel C. Marriage and Christian Life: A Theology of Christian Marriage. UP of America, 2005.
Hofferth, Sandra L, and Lynne M. Casper. Handbook of Measurement Issues in Family Research. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 2007.